The reason you feel unseen isn’t that people aren’t looking. It’s that you’re showing them someone else.
“If you want to feel seen, you have to be yourself. If you’re not yourself, you can’t be seen. Only some make-believe part of you can be seen.”
The Trap
When seeking approval, we perform. We “front”—present what we think people want to see. And even when they approve, it doesn’t satisfy. They’re approving the performance, not us.
The Impossible Task
You’re trying to get everyone to approve of your life. But:
- Nobody thinks you’re perfect all the time
- You can’t even see yourself completely
- Someone will always criticize (low blood sugar, bad day, different values)
“There’s always going to be somebody who’s not going to be happy with what you’re doing.”
The Alternative
Stop asking: “Do they approve?” Start asking: “Am I acting in a way that feels great to me?”
If you’re being yourself, some people won’t like it. But the ones who do will actually be seeing YOU.
Related Concepts
- Being yourself designs a life that fits you
- Regret comes from not being yourself
- We push away the approval we seek
- Seeking approval pushes away the very connection you want
- Owning your wants means being okay with having them
- Moving the emotion dissolves depression