There is no way to control how others perceive you. Right now, dozens of people are judging you — some think you’re too smart, others not smart enough; too loud or too quiet. No amount of effort can make everyone see you the way you want. You can drive a Porsche to project power and half the people will think something entirely different.
There are only two approaches to reputation: try to curate one (which never works because people project whatever they want), or simply be yourself unapologetically and let a reputation form naturally. The second approach is effortless to maintain because all you have to do is keep being who you are.
“It is a race you cannot win. It is a game you cannot play and therefore it is incredibly stressful.”
Every superstar who was universally loved eventually fell from grace. Identity is always taken from us. The stress of maintaining a curated identity is enormous precisely because it’s fighting reality — you cannot stop the judgment of others, and the attempt to do so cuts you off from the freedom available on the other side of those triggers.
Related Concepts
- Identity creates rigidity and limitation
- Identity stress comes from defending a fixed self
- Approval seeking pushes people away
- Being yourself designs your life