When you’re seeking approval, you’ve stopped listening. You’re no longer present with the other person—you’re trying to extract something from them. It’s the emotional equivalent of asking someone for money every time you see them.
“How can you be friends with or trust somebody who’s just going to do what you want because that gives them approval instead of somebody who’s actually going to show up as them, say what they mean, mean what they say?”
Think about how it feels when someone desperately wants your approval. There’s an immediate impulse to pull away. You can sense they’re not really with you—they’re managing your perception of them. That’s the experience you create when you seek approval from others.
The people we actually trust and want to be around are the ones who show up as themselves regardless of our reaction. Approval-seeking is self-defeating by design.
Related Concepts
- We push away the approval we seek
- You can’t be seen if you’re not being yourself
- Being interested, not interesting
- Unfelt emotions drive you out of yourself and into others’ opinions
- Speaking your truth dissolves the need for external approval
- Chase your own approval instead of others’—do I approve of that?