People can always sense when you’re judging them — through facial expressions, body language, and energy — even when you say nothing. The natural response to being judged is not “let’s hang out” but “go screw yourself.” This means judgment systematically repels customers, partners, friends, employees, and romantic interests.
Joe frames this as a practical results question: look at what judgment is actually producing in your life. It creates stagnation — the person yelling at their television in judgment all day has a life that never changes. Nothing moves. Meanwhile, the people who start feeling the emotions underneath their judgment experience rapid transformation.
“If you want people to basically reject you, then great, be judgmental.”
The trap is that judgment gives a short-term high — like scrolling — of feeling superior. But the long-term cost is isolation and stagnation. The antidote isn’t making a “should” out of not judging (that’s just more judgment), but simply noticing the pain judgment creates and what you actually want.
Related Concepts
- Judgment signals an unfelt emotion underneath
- Self-judgment defends against feeling deeper emotions
- Connection over perfection
- Approval seeking pushes people away
- Judgment blocks the emotion underneath