When someone struggles to stay present in fast-paced group conversations, the difficulty is usually not in receiving but in responding. The tricky part is speaking—because self-judgment about saying the right thing gets in the way. This judgment typically stems from partiality: wanting to be liked, wanting to be seen a certain way, wanting not to be ostracized.
Joe’s hack: focus on enjoying the group interaction rather than getting results from it. “How do I enjoy this?” When enjoyment becomes the orientation, the self-judgment naturally subsides and expression flows more freely.
Brett adds that this shift involves moving from calculating what to say next to receiving what’s being said, which means the next thing you say is more connected to the actual conversation—but you might not know what it’s going to be until you speak it. This can feel disorienting at first, but it’s the shift from performing to participating.
“Focus on enjoying yourself, not on the results of the group interaction. How do I enjoy this? If you can focus there, a lot of this stuff goes away naturally.”
Related Concepts
- Enjoyment as the only metric
- Judgment blocks the emotion underneath
- Approval seeking pushes people away
- Prioritizing enjoyment restructures how you think and speak