Every time we judge another person, we are blocking an underlying emotion we don’t want to feel. Judgment is a defense mechanism that substitutes hardness for vulnerability.
The toxic effect of judgment is that it disconnects us from others. When we judge someone, we stop listening to them. We lose access to whatever wisdom they carry—not because we have to agree, but because we can’t receive anything when we’ve cut the person off.
“Every time that we’re feeling a sense of judgment towards another person, what’s happening is that we are not allowing ourselves to feel the underlying emotion.”
The antidote is simple: notice the judgment, then ask “What am I trying not to feel?” Maybe it’s grief, sadness, or hopelessness. Feel that, and the judgment dissolves on its own.
Related Concepts
- Self-judgment defends against emotions
- Triggers reveal what we judge in ourselves
- How we listen shapes what we hear
- Judgment repels the connection you actually want
- Judgment toward others signals an unfelt emotion in yourself
- Letting judgment break your heart open is the path through