Summary
This Q&A episode with Joe Hudson and Brett Kistler covers six listener questions spanning a wide range of topics. Laura asks about the distinction between feeling anger at someone and expressing it—Joe clarifies that the internal feeling should always be welcomed, but acting it out at someone without permission is manipulation and a bid for control. The anger is always about us, not the other person.
Cat asks about depression, and Joe breaks it down through three lenses: intellectually (abnormal negative self-talk), emotionally (repressed anger turned inward), and nervous system (constant hypervigilance). He recommends social connection, moving anger and sadness, working with the inner critic, and learning to rest in pleasure. Eric asks about staying in VIEW during fast-paced group conversations—Joe suggests the difficulty is usually in responding rather than receiving, and recommends focusing on enjoyment rather than results.
Dominique describes feeling more alone despite feeling more connected through the work. Joe validates this as discovering the truth that we are fundamentally alone in our experience, and describes the paradox of identity becoming both more solid and more transparent. Dustin asks about desires becoming diffuse after growth—Joe suggests desires may be changing rather than disappearing, distinguishing craving from authentic wanting. Calvin asks about relationships with people who have mental health issues—Joe emphasizes adjusting expectations, self-care, boundaries, and professional support.
Key Concepts
- Expressing anger at someone without permission is a bid for control
- Depression defined through head, heart, and gut
- Play with the inner critic rather than fighting it
- Focus on enjoyment to dissolve group conversation anxiety
- Aloneness without loneliness is a sign of authentic self-discovery
- When craving falls away, authentic wanting needs time to emerge
- Gratitude for your own transformation accelerates growth
- Boundaries are essential when supporting someone with mental health issues
Key Quotes
“What I’m speaking to is just not getting angry at somebody without permission.”
“On an emotional level, depression is repressed anger typically… the anger is going in instead of going out or moving through.”
“Do you know the amount of willpower it takes to beat yourself up like that 24/7?”
“How do I enjoy this group interaction? If you can focus there, a lot of this stuff goes away naturally.”
“The truth is that we’re alone. Nobody can share your experience with you.”
“How do you give yourself the gratitude? It doesn’t have to be ‘yay.’ It can just be ‘wow, thank you for showing up again today.‘”
Transcript
foreign welcome to the art of accomplishment where we explore how deepening connection with ourselves and others leads to creating the life we want with enjoyment and ease I’m Brett Kistler here today with my co-host Joe Hudson we just got our Spotify statistics back for the year and we are in the top one percent most shared podcasts for 2022 globally oh wow and that is fascinating I love that and also we are in the top five percent most followed globally already that’s so cool and that’s just incredible and we’ve had over 500 growth of listeners over the past year over 5x so I’m just so stoked about that I’m really I’m really excited that people have been sharing the podcast that people have been loving it and another another stat that we got from Spotify is that the The Listener type of our listeners is the devote uh which is to say that our listeners tend to binge the podcast and listen to the same episodes over and over because they just really love them and yeah yeah that just blows me away I’m so grateful that that people really like what we’re doing and that that people share it so much so thank you everybody that’s amazing so first of all it just creates a lot of gratitude for The Listener so I want to just thank everybody for for sharing the podcast that’s amazing and I I mean it’s almost ridiculous it’s not like a a low it’s not like a low self-esteem thing I’m just dumbfounded that people are are into it like this and I and I I mean it’s funny because you know I we listen to every podcast before it gets published and I’m like oh that’s good I I would enjoy listening to that but still somehow or another like in my brain I’m like I’m just like wow this is happening people dig it which is which is really cool it’s a cool feeling yeah so um on that note of gratitude and thank you we’re gonna take this episode as an opportunity to answer some questions um that people have have asked last week I posted on our Twitter and in our Circle Community to ask for people to just send us whatever whatever their whatever kind of questions they’re sitting with whatever they’re struggling with and we’ve got a pretty solid list here fantastic okay cool I love this idea of a Thank You by answering some some questions so let’s dive in uh first one that we have is from Laura uh with an E Laurie Laura and she says I’ve noticed myself changing a lot through the view practice as well as other adjacent growth practices I still struggle with the concept of not having anger at in theory it seems very correct and healthy but I’m not sure what to do when the feeling of anger at does arise and she’s referring to anger at people something that we’ve discussed a lot in sort of the courses in the uh anger episodes so she continues I’m curious if you can speak to the difference if you see one between feeling anger at and expressing it and how can I be both welcoming to my feelings but also know that’s not an okay feeling uh-huh and then how do I negotiate having the feeling not suppressing or denying it but also knowing it’s not okay and is it possible to never feel angry at Okay cool so answer is no I don’t know if it’s possible but I I don’t know anybody who doesn’t have that experience of anger at and there’s no way I would want you to repress that internal emotional state and I apologize if for whatever in whatever way I’ve miscommunicated so that you feel like there’s some part of your emotional state that you aren’t allowed to love or more accept what I’m saying there is the action of getting angry at somebody and and I’ll be even more specific it’s angry at somebody without permission so sometimes Tara and I will give each other permission we’ll see the anger and we’ll be like yeah it’s okay or in um when we’re coaching people or in Retreats we’ll say yeah get angry at us it’s fine and we’re excited to do that because there can be a lot of healing in that however without permission then it’s just manipulation and whether it’s subconscious or not conscious or fully conscious basically what’s happening there is somebody feels out of control if they get angry at somebody else it’s their bid for control and that usually means controlling the other person so so that’s what I’m speaking to is just not getting angry at somebody without permission yeah I like the the distinction that you’ve made there about like angry at being manipulating so it’s like one way to tell is if if my anger is moving through me and as a result or as a as an action from that anger I’m trying to change the other person change their beliefs or their story be above them dominate them make them take an action make them feel scared make them back away make them be anything then that’s that’s an example of manipulating and so like what I’ve been finding through this work is that if if I’m allowing that that anger to move in me and I’m just feeling it and I’m it’s like it’s my anger it’s it’s not their anger it’s not for them it’s for me it’s for that anger is for myself to feel that feeling and let it burn through whatever story I have so that I can find my clarity and then from there I can go to the person yeah yeah that’s right and and so the weird thing is that though most of the time when we are angry we are angry at something the anger is all about us so the anger is us feeling overwhelmed or the anger is US needing to draw a boundary or the anger is um us uh learning how to not be passive aggressive there’s a whole bunch of reasons for it that doesn’t mean you’re responsible for getting angry so if you’re angry you can beat yourself up that’s not what I’m saying I’m just saying that the anger is exactly what you said it’s for us to learn and it’s not about the other person and at the same time I know you’ve experienced this where if you can hold somebody’s anger if you want to hold somebody’s anger and they’re getting angry it can be an incredibly healing thing um to be able to learn inside of yourself how to hold somebody in love when they’re angry at you it’s like feels like a superpower yeah and in the reverse when when I’ve had a partner or a business partner or somebody who’s been able to hold my just wild rage at them and just love me then that’s been an example like those have been times where our relationship has gone way deeper and also that’s not a requirement like yes that’s not a relationship test can you hold this can you handle my anger it’s just like if someone’s capable of doing that then great I feel even safer I could be even more of myself and that also makes me value the relationship more and also more want to own my part and find the boundaries that serve both of us yes yeah that’s right and and you said it really well um it’s not a relationship test it’s not I should be able to be with this anger I should be able to be in this abusive relationship or they should be able to handle my anger or any of that stuff it’s do you want to be there for somebody’s anger because maybe you don’t due to your own trauma maybe you don’t due to it’s habitual maybe you don’t because you don’t have enough resources that day maybe you don’t because you’re tired maybe you know because it hits your trauma so it’s really just about whether you want to and and so don’t really make it about anything besides that yeah and I’ve noticed part of that Journey that I’ve had with anger in this work is that initially I was like oh if I can be there for someone’s anger then that’s great so it becomes a should like I should be there for their anger or like I should want their anger but when it starts to become more like I guess authentically a want for me is when I’m like there’s actually deep wisdom in their anger and there’s care in it and if I’m actually feeling and seeing their care while the anger is coming up then yeah then it is a really a deeply thing a thing that’s deeply connected to my want and it’s not a here’s a model of the way I want to be or should be to be better about whatever this is and make this make this problem go away you know make you make my own anger feelings go away exactly yeah beautiful yeah there’s a there’s another another piece there about making your anger about somebody else which is one way to describe anger at is like your anger is about somebody else and in our courses there are times where that’s that’s invited you know we do exercises around this and and there’s sort of a process where you might initially not allow yourself to feel the anger because it’s not safe and so it’s suppressed and comes out sideways through passive aggression yeah and then the next step is to actually recognize that you have anger and in that state you might only be capable of experiencing the anger all about what it the external thing you think it is or the person and so the only anger you’re capable of feeling at that time perhaps is the is the what we describe as anger at oh yeah yeah I mean I would say somebody who’s been self-abusive for a long time beating themselves up has a deep critical voice in the head always is wondering what they did wrong when somebody else gets angry all that stuff depression they need to get angry at somebody that’s a really important step in that process to just be able to fully allow that emotional experience to just move and maybe as you guys will hear I did a session that’ll be hopefully we’ll make it to the podcast where it was like a couple getting had found out they were getting aggravated other when each other when they were really just angry at the situation and they could share in getting angry at the situation together so yeah I highly recommend for people who are self-abusive to move the anger out and if that’s at somebody or at God or at me or at you do it just do it do it either with permission or do it somewhere where that person can’t hear you or or know that it’s happening because it’s not it’s not their job to hold your anger they can do it but it’s not their job yeah I find a friend to vent and find it find the friend that will let you vent and not buy your story and reinforce it for you but the the friend who will just let you vent or the pillow that will receive your venting yeah exactly cool what’s the next question that was a good one yeah yeah thanks for asking it Laura okay so the next next question we have is from Eric and Eric says I find that I struggle way more when trying to connect in group situations I know that staying in view is important though for me it’s harder to be both attentive in the conversation and present in my body without ignoring one or the other and so he asks what advice do you have for staying in view during fast-paced and complex group conversations yeah so there’s a part of the answer which is just practice as we learn how to do it it it becomes easier and easier I think that there’s a secondary thing which is there I think there’s a distinction there you might not be seen it’s very easy to be in view and be present with what somebody is is saying or doing that part of it is easy for everybody in fact I would say being in view makes it easier to be present with people the thing that you might not be seeing is that the tricky part is responding it’s it’s the it’s the speaking it’s the uh being able to um interact with them which you’re saying it in the sentence Eric but I’m not sure if that distinction has been fully made in yourself so that’s the part that as you practice it becomes easier and easier to do what I would say is that typically when it’s hard for someone to do those things there there’s a concern about being right doing it right or doing it in a way that’s gonna get the result that you want and so I would check the partiality uh in the view so the I and view that oftentimes it’s that partiality about wanting to be liked or wanting to be seen a certain way or wanting not to be hated or wanting not to be ostracized that gets in the way of our capacity to respond we’re judging ourselves in our response and so I would use the tools that you’ve learned to learn how to let go of that the consequences and to let go of the self-judgment and one of the tools that I think is most useful is that when you notice that you judge yourself see what the emotion is that it’s protecting you from typically when we’re judging ourselves or somebody else it’s because we don’t want to feel an emotion that’s underneath it and so if you fully allow that feeling of whether it’s ostracization or aloneness or you know the perfectionism or the the rigidity if we fully allow the emotional experience underneath the Judgment then that’ll allow you to have a more free expression it’s judgment that gets in the way of our expression typically yeah I think one of the ways that that shows up for for me in the way that kind of I’ve progressed through the work is I think a lot of people are used to when they’re in a conversation thinking about what they’re going to say next and doing a lot of kind of intellectual this might not be for everybody some people might just be feeling and not doing so much intellectual but for me I’ve noticed that I I used to do a lot of thinking about the topic of conversation and plan my next statement or sentence or question a lot more than I do now and that by bringing more attention in my body that that signal became reduced and started to be mixed with these like much more fuzzy emotional signals in my body and initially that started to be a little bit uh disorienting it’s like I don’t know what question is going to come out of me next because I’m not spending as much of my you know Awareness on calculating the next thing to say which means that I’m actually receiving what they’re saying and the next thing that I say is likely to be far more connected to both of us and the conversation but I might not have any idea what it’s going to be until I speak it which can be just kind of disconcerting and disorienting at first at first yeah yeah and I would say the other the other way to to point this out in a way that’s useful as far as a hack is just focus on enjoying yourself not on the results of the group interaction how do I enjoy this group interaction this fast-based group interaction how do you enjoy that I would say that’s the if you can focus there a lot of this stuff goes away naturally yeah that’s an awesome pointer cool yeah another question I like this this is fun yeah yeah I’m enjoying it yeah all right next one comes from cat uh he asks can you talk about depression what is depression and how do I play with it I love that question of that question yeah I can totally talk about this I love this question okay so depression intellectually on the let’s use the three Minds for a minute on the intellectual prefrontal cortex mind it is uh negative self-talk it is uh an abnormal amount of negative self-talk abnormal just meaning high enough to make you get depressed on a emotional level it’s a repressed anger typically um sometimes repressed sadness but often repressed anger the anger is going in instead of the anger is going out or moving through uh so and then on a nervous system it’s constantly attentive to um the next foot that’s going to fall the next attack so on the nervous system you’re constantly and and it’s by the way always coming because internally your head is beating you up all the time so the attack is constantly coming so you’re constantly looking for it so it’s a constant diligence which is why antidepressant and anti-anxiety medicines are often used to treat depression because it’s about that you know that’s the nervous system side of it and then on a on a community side of it it’s a it’s a disconnection it’s a feeling of disconnection with people so it’s it’s feeling not feeling like you’re connected with each other and so you can work on depression on all those levels so interacting with people um and making sure that you have a like a rich social life is a great way to work with it moving the emotions the anger and the sadness um is a great way to work with it uh notice that the voice in your head is absolute and that it it’s not true and that it’s not serving you it’s not a good boss um there’s a whole bunch of tools that you can use for the critical voice in your head and for the nervous system learning to have a deep non-guilty pleasure and sustain it how do you be in pleasure the pleasure of breathing the pleasure of walking the pleasure of hearing the your vocal cords vibrate in your in your chest like that like that life in its Essence is very pleasurable very enjoyable and so how do you learn how to rest in that pleasure and enjoyment those are the techniques that I’ve seen allow folks to move through depression now there’s obviously there’s some level of chemical stuff happening in the brain and and I’m not suggesting that for some folks medicinal treatments aren’t great and this is basically how it works and so the if you’re working on it with with medicines or without medicines this is these are the ways I would suggest it yeah I love that uh the piece about anger where you know if the anger’s stagnant or not moving this can lead to depression and also that the it often results from the anger being turned inwards yeah I’ve come to see anger as you know like connected to like a broader sense aggression and on an even broader sense motivation Eros like our capacity to move towards and like want something and if I’m spending a significant amount of that energy on telling myself how to be then it’s like I might be like oh where’s all my motivation I don’t have motivation but all of my motivation is actually going telling yourself how to be telling myself how to be and beating myself up and of course I’m going to be tired all day and exhausted and need to recover from that on a regular basis I’ve never heard it articulated like that is such a great articulation of it yeah you’re very motivated to beat yourself up what do you mean you don’t have motivation it’s like a full-time job you might not even be sleeping you’re so into it you wake up in the middle of the night beating yourself up they think that’s total motivation do you know the amount of willpower it takes to beat yourself up like that 24 7. yeah I love this yeah that’s great yeah so back to cat’s question of how do I play with it it’s like how much how much can you enjoy beating your yourself up and like then what does that do to it what does that do if you’re like oh I notice I’m beating myself up here’s my motivation High motivation what happens then the other thing that I the play with it I mean you’ve seen me do this in in in different groups so notice that when the negative voice in your head speaks to you in a certain way um you respond almost always in the same way so it’s like you know you should you should work out more you should be nicer to people and your your response is typically just kind of accepting it as truth and kind of maybe there’s like a okay fine you’re right you know there’s some energetic response to it you want to play with it have different responses to it every time it does it sing in a musical you know every every time it does it just be like you know call it the politician that you hate the most and and make a nickname for it or play with it or tickle it or love it or see it as a little kid who’s having a temper tantrum and you just need to hold it like that’s a great way to play with it um it’s to really not take the voice in your head seriously the critical voice in your head seriously yeah yeah I love that one yeah cool awesome thank you thank you I’m excited I’m going to keep on doing yeah thank you Kat I appreciate that oh and Eric do we I don’t think we think I don’t think we thank Derek thank you Eric for your question too yeah all right next question comes from Dominique hi Dominique Dominique says the more I do the work the more connected I feel the more alone I am what is that all about continues I don’t feel loneliness but a very strong and distinct self I am all alone is this a contradiction feeling connected yet more alone or simply a more nuanced and distinct understanding of self across a number of identities one chooses hmm that’s a great question uh I mean there’s like three questions in there so yeah so the more that you do this work the more you do any self-discovery work the more the truth comes out and the truth is that we’re alone nobody can share it no matter how much you love no matter how close you are to somebody nobody can share your experience with you so that we are alone in that so that reality is true and I love that you’re making that distinction between that and loneliness that it’s not the feeling of loneliness so that’s that’s a wonderful thing then then you start speaking about it you know it’s an identity and it feels like it’s an identity and so unfortunately that that it’s not as clear as that what I’ve noticed is when I fully allow that identity of aloneness or the the identity that is that permeates behind all the other identities that’s one way to say it or the thing that I have always been that I will always be you know even though my body has changed even though my habits have changed even though my thoughts are changing even though my emotional state is changing like what is the essential me um what I notice is that both makes me have a firmer sense of identity and less of an identity eventually there’s it’s like my identity becomes more transparent more fluid on one level and it becomes more clear in myself in another level more solid almost in another level and so if you get into it really deeply then the question becomes what am I and that question isn’t really an answerable question that’s a question that you’re just in until it illuminates and um dissolves almost and what there’s a there’s a couple Sensations that happen when you are in that question for a period of time one is the sensation of I am everything and one is a sensation of I’m nothing like a piece of dust in the Infinity of space and I am all of space and so both of those are felt experiences that one has when you’re in that question for an extended period of time and it’s the same feeling of I guess a sense of aloneness without loneliness or the same feeling of oh I have a very strong identity but actually kind of no identity at all and so there’s a bit of a paradox in it until it’s lived and then there’s no Paradox in it at all so I would just say that where I hear you are is just in the natural flow of finding out what you are essentially or what your authenticity is or what you’ve always been that can’t be changed that can’t be destroyed the thing that you don’t have to protect I love that too and rather than respond to that myself I’m going to leave that right into the next question because I think that this one follows it beautifully okay and so thank you Dominique and thank you and now this question from Dustin as I worked to release judgments and forgive myself and others drawing and holding respectful boundaries I feel good maybe not Enlightenment but a more Lucid State of Consciousness in this state however I find it difficult to discern or follow my desires and passions as though they become more diffuse this leaves me somewhat immobile with regard to taking action on something new or different what happens to desire in this above mess in this in this hole in this above meth um yeah that’s a great question it was a great so the question I would ask back is how do you know that your that your desires are becoming more diffuse or your desires are changing and and they’re they’re you’re finding your more authentic desires I guess that would be the question so and one of the ways you can answer this question is to notice from the moment you wake up until 10 o’clock in the morning or two hours later whenever you wake up that you have made a hundred choices with a hundred preferences by that time so there’s something that’s not diffuse happening there’s this constant moving towards preferences that happens and so there’s Clarity of preference the otherwise you’d just be in bed and even that may be a preference right so so on some level the the question is is are they becoming more diffuse or are learning to listen to yourself differently and therefore don’t understand like the really big movements or that you’re in a period of integration not in the period of action or you’re in an inhale not an exhale at this moment because what I notice is that as we start to see the world differently and interact with the world differently our desires change and the way I would say this is you know when Tara and I first dated she was remarkably beautiful and and young and everything society would say is is amazing and I would have like these little nitpicky things in my mind around you know this curve or that you know that thing or you know whatever it was this part of her body and now I am you know we are older and we’re both middle aged and we don’t look like we did when we were 20. and I can’t find any fault in her when I look at her what I thought what I wanted then is not at all what I want now and so my wants have changed over time and it’s more reflection of the work that I do and so if I used to be motivated by finding the perfect body to be with I’m no longer motivated by that and what I want has completely changed and during that there’s this moment of going out and acting and doing the experiments to see what I want there’s a moment of integration of what I’ve learned and seeing how my how my motivation my wants change and so I that’s that I would I would say experiment and play with that see see how true that is for you uh the only piece I would add potentially is it doesn’t sound like this at all through your question but what might be happening is that um you were really operating on adrenaline for a long time you were really operating on pushing yourself and oh my God I have to I did it and as that subsides you just need to rest you’re just gonna need to like let the nervous system recover before you’re ready to go and and you know dig your next big well or or you know start your next company or whatever it is yeah I think what what that brings up for me is that I think a lot of us have been used to for much of our Lives associating wanting with craving and when the craving Falls away we wonder where the wanting is but there’s still wants there and I think this also relates back to Dominique’s previous question I think a lot of times we we conflate connection with clinging yeah and when we find ourselves no longer clinging and craving craving something from somebody then we might feel more alone but not lonely and this might be confusing at first but I think both of these questions seem very related in that way yeah I love that yeah I think that all of our emotional states as we learn to love them um as we’re not resisting them as we’re not putting tension in the line and letting them move through they all become less intense and sometimes we’re like that’s a relief and sometimes we’re like wait where’d that go yeah yeah and then which doesn’t mean that life is less intense it just might mean the intensity moves to something else that we’re not used to experiencing intensely like Joy that’s right that’s right that’s exactly right or intensely enjoying feeling sadness right or like all of a sudden the thing that was like I could live with because I didn’t feel it as intensely now I can’t live with and so there’s the intensity of of being more sensitive yeah yeah awesome thank you Dustin and the next question we’ve got is from Calvin all right Calvin he asks about approaching relationships with people who have mental health issues and his question was actually quite long a couple paragraphs so I’m kind of cutting it down but in in it he described a close relative with whom he used to connect very deeply but he’s struggled to do so as their mental health has changed um and kind of without going into details about what that was uh he he asks how do I approach relationships with people who are struggling with their mental health what can I do for them and what can I do for myself oh that’s great so you know there are probably better people to ask that question to than me um I don’t I don’t deal with a lot of folks who I’ve had some uh have mental health issues in my friend group and family but I don’t it hasn’t been something that I have a ton of experience with but one of the things that I definitely realize in that process was if I have a friend who had an injury and is in a in you know in a is paralyzed I’m not gonna go for walks with him anymore uh your expect your friendship is going to change and if your friend is going through mental health you can’t expect them to depending on the mental health thing be rational or to be able to be connected with you in the same way or be able to not get paranoid around you or whatever the situation is or be even like in this reality so to speak so I think the the main thing is to let go of those expectations of them and and and the the challenging part for that is typically you see this happen with people with Alzheimer’s all the time it’s like there’s a dad and a mom and there’s kids and the dad let’s say gets Alzheimer’s and they’re not even closer as functional they can’t say the same things but everybody’s treating them the same way everybody’s like oh that’s dad I have to be scared of his anger so I’m gonna do whatever he says but the guy’s got Alzheimer’s you shouldn’t be doing what he says you shouldn’t probably shouldn’t have been before but like and so you’re interacting with them as if they’re still coherent when they’re not coherent and so I think there’s a lot of relief to be had in recognizing that they they have had their their issue and you need to interact with them differently I think that’s a really big and there’s no possible way for you to be good for them if you’re not being good for yourself so self-care is an incredibly important part of that process it’s you know you don’t want to enter into their mental health with them you want to make sure that you are taking care of yourself and your own mental health in that process and it’s really critical because just like if all of a sudden you’re living with somebody who needs you to cook for them and clean for them and wipe them and all that stuff it’s going to take a lot it’s going to take a lot if you’re all of a sudden dealing with somebody who’s you know constantly walking around the house thinking that there’s bugs in the wall that are listening to them so that self-care is an incredibly crucial piece to it um and then the last thing is go find a professional who can help you it’s really important to find a professional who can help them and to help you and right now that’s hard in our society because there’s you know there’s a lot of mental health issues because of the covid situation and and there’s not as many people I’ve heard statistics that it’s like there’s just not enough therapists out there or not enough psychiatrists out there for the people who need it um but do whatever you have to do to find that that help whether even if it’s just online reading but do everything you can to get that help and to really understand and find the resources to help you yeah it sounds like a lot a lot of what you’re speaking to there is grieving the connection that you had so that you can find the connection that is available and like How Deeply can you connect to the person as they are and stay with yourself and your needs without sacrificing yourself that’s right yeah you’re not doing anybody any good by sacrificing yourself in it and eventually if you do sacrifice yourself in it long enough either you’re gonna join them in the kind of in their swirl or you’re gonna just resent them and lash out at some point neither of which is going to feel good awesome thank you Joe thank you Calvin you know there’s one other piece just for Calvin here is that I would say boundaries are really an important process so listen to the boundary thing boundaries are really important with mental health it’s like some of the biggest part of the self-care is the boundaries yeah it reminds me of something you’ve you’ve mentioned before where like a lot of the addicts anonymous groups have groups for the people who are supporting or like in entangled and I think the same thing can be true for mental health uh yeah like you need you need support yes exactly yeah um all right thank you Calvin and the next one comes from Bryce and Bryce asks what does it mean or look like to be patient with our own growth process and what are some practices that can help with patients that’s a lovely question I don’t know it’s such an interesting the the reason it’s interesting is because I’m wondering what the question would be like if you asked me what is it like to be patient with somebody else and how that question is hard to make sense of it’s hard to make sense of how do you be patient with yourself um but what I notice is that if we think we’re if we’re trying to be patient we’re not that’s what I noticed like the act of trying to be patient is not patience so so you’re kind of asking me how to be patient but there’s also kind of the question in there which is like how do I try to be patient so I want to just make that distinction distinction so don’t try to be patient with yourself it it isn’t patience um what I would say is maybe the word that’s more easy is is gentleness how do you be gentle with yourself be in general with yourself is being grateful for the transformation that’s been happening and that also accelerates the transformation and the growth so for me the the biggest hack in all of this is to regularly daily give yourself gratitude for the transformation that’s been happening that is happening the little Winds of the day the little ways that you saw things differently that day the little habits that you didn’t do for a day even if you do them tomorrow how do you give yourself that the the encouragement that isn’t meant to fix you but just the acknowledgment the encouragement that is just acknowledgment of what you have done growth transformation is easier if if we feel good about what we’re doing right so if I’m like okay I’ve done 100 push-ups I need to do more push-ups okay doing push-ups isn’t fun if I’m like I did 100 push-ups hell yes I’m more likely wanting to do push-ups the next day so how do you give yourself the Gratitude and it doesn’t have to be yay it can just be like wow thank you Bryce for showing up again today and noticing that these thought patterns were getting in your way and how and thank you for being here doing this gratitude practice again and thank you for asking Joe a question and thank you for um I know I believe Bryce meditates so meditation and so to me it’s like how do you be grateful for the transformation that you’re having and see the abundance of that and and see that it’s constantly happening around you to me that’s the best hack yeah yeah I have nothing to add to that that’s really nice um awesome thank you Bryce uh and I think that’s it for today we have some more questions maybe we’ll get around to them on another episode uh if you if you submitted a question and we didn’t get to it I apologize uh I’d love to get to yeah and and if you have a question out there and you didn’t know this was possible please drop the question what where are the ways they can drop them is you can tweet them to us at on Twitter at Art of a comp and you can ask them on Circle if you’re in any of our Circle communities and you can also email them to us at podcast art of accomplishment.com and then Instagram too so you can find us on Instagram and you can pose a question there as well so hopefully we’ll make a practice of this if we get enough good questions we’ll we’ll keep on answering them here yeah I’d love to do this monthly or something or maybe even more if we start getting floods of questions yeah that sounds great awesome okay thank you everybody thank you listeners thank you all the people who’ve been sharing this yeah thank you thank you for for helping those helping the share numbers and the growth numbers that just feels wonderful appreciate that yeah and thank you Joe I appreciate you yeah thank you Brett ciao bye thanks for listening to the art of accomplishment if you enjoyed what you heard today please subscribe and rate US on your podcast app we’d love your feedback so feel free to send us questions or comments you can reach out to us join our newsletter or check out our courses at Art of accomplishment.com