We chase approval constantly, then reject it when it arrives.
“The thing that we want most, we want the approval, we want the gratitude, we want the appreciation—but then when we get it, we’re often rejecting it.”
How We Reject
- “Oh, this dress isn’t that nice”
- “Yeah…” (while thinking “they don’t really know me”)
- “They just want something from me”
- “They’re just being nice”
We essentially call the compliment-giver ignorant or a liar.
The Consequence
“You give somebody a compliment and they’re like, ‘No.’ How much do you want to give them a compliment again?”
By rejecting praise, we train people not to give it. We create the absence of approval we’re seeking.
Why We Can’t Digest
We don’t let compliments move all the way through us. We don’t sit with them, feel them, let them nourish us. So we stay hungry—constantly seeking approval we won’t let in.
Related Concepts
- You only get the love you can let in
- Ego resists change in either direction
- Being at war with your wants creates self-sabotage
- Receiving compliments somatically dissolves the feeling of unworthiness
- Seeking approval pushes away the very connection you want
- Pushing away compliments reveals disallowed goodness