When you want to do something — approach a person, speak up, reach out — and you don’t, the inaction itself communicates something to you about yourself. Joe points out to Harry that not approaching a woman he wants to approach isn’t neutral. It’s a statement. By declining the thing he genuinely wants, he tells himself he isn’t worthy of it.
The flip side is what makes Harry feel alive on the call. He describes the sensation as “winning,” and Joe clarifies what that actually means: he’s doing the thing that’s important to him, and in doing it he’s validating himself.
“In the action that you’re standing up, that you’re doing this, that you’re being fully here and present with all of us right now, you’re standing in yourself and saying, ‘I am worthy of this.’ And when you don’t approach the woman, you’re saying, ‘I’m not worthy of this.‘”
So the worthiness isn’t earned by the outcome of the action — whether she says yes, whether anyone approves. It’s established the moment you act from your own natural flow rather than blocking it.
Related Concepts
- No amount of external validation works if you won’t validate yourself
- We push away the approval we seek
- The constant self-editing is a form of self-judgment
- Self-possession is what people are actually attracted to
- Ambition survives beneath the resistance, waiting to be set free
- Loving the part in pain makes you happy in the moment