The woman who desperately wants to be seen physically constricts when someone sees her—lips tighten, “mhm.” She tosses the cake on the ground and then wonders why no one brings cake.
“You want to be seen, but when somebody sees you, you want to be appreciated, but when somebody appreciates you, you’re blowing them off, you’re tossing their cake on the ground, and then you’re like, why aren’t people bringing me cake?”
This is not intellectual—it’s somatic. The body learned that receiving wasn’t safe, so it automatically deflects. The person changes the subject, makes a joke, goes to a thought, says “mhm” without letting it in. And the person giving is trained not to give anymore: “Would I bring you another cake?”
The practice is simple but excruciating: let it in. Let the compliment tickle you. Breathe. Feel. Don’t flip the cake over. This is what you wanted as a kid.
Related Concepts
- We push away the approval we seek
- We push away support we don’t trust
- You get the love you can accept