The love available to you in relationships is limited not by your partner, but by your capacity to receive it.
“I was going to accept the love that I was capable of accepting. I was going to love in the manner that I was capable of loving. And it didn’t have anything to do with the other person.”
The Realization
Joe realized that even if his wife never changed, the work on himself would still pay off. Why? Because his capacity to be in relationship would grow. Either the relationship would transform, or he would be capable of a better one elsewhere.
The limiting factor was never the partner—it was his own capacity.
The Parallel
This echoes the teaching about wants: you can only have what you’re okay with having. In relationship, you can only receive the love you’re capable of letting in.
The work isn’t changing the other person. It’s expanding your own capacity to love and be loved.
Related Concepts
- Partners are perfectly matched to trigger your wounds
- Owning your wants means being okay with having them
- Being at war with your wants creates self-sabotage
- Self-love sets the capacity limit for loving a partner
- Wanting is aliveness
- We find love when we stop fearing annihilation
- Self-love is the capacity limit for loving others
- External relationship patterns mirror internal ones