We’ve learned that people let us down. So even when support is present, we can’t receive it.
The CEO Example
Imagine leading 10,000 people. Every one of them wants the CEO to be impressed with their work. Nobody wakes up hoping to do a shitty job.
Yet most CEOs feel alone, like they’re “holding it all by themselves.” The support is there—they just can’t see it.
“That’s when you know you’re pushing the support away instead of actually seeing it.”
Why It Happens
We learned what we had to do to get love. And it never quite worked. So we stopped trusting that support could really be there.
The details change (“do X, Y, Z to be loved”) but the underlying distrust remains.
The Result
- Support is offered → we discount it
- Help is available → we don’t ask
- Connection is possible → we stay defended
We create the aloneness we fear.
Related Concepts
- We push away the approval we seek
- You only get the love you can let in
- Being at war with your wants creates self-sabotage
- Holding it together shields you from the support trying to reach you
- You can’t be seen if you’re not being yourself
- The feeling being avoided underneath ‘I’ve got this’ is helplessness
- Longing and loneliness are love in disguise
- When love shows up, unloved parts surface to be loved