Joe’s belief, stated near the end of the session: “We don’t find the right person. Love doesn’t come into our lives when we’re scared of losing ourselves — or control.” The woman hadn’t failed to find the right man because she wasn’t good enough. She hadn’t found him because she was protecting herself from the dissolution that love requires.
The question isn’t “how do I find the right person?” or “how do I discern?” Joe’s answer to those questions is radical: “You don’t. It all takes care of itself — pheromones, hormones, family of origin issues, matching traumas. It all works itself out.” The only real question is: how able are you to love yourself and take the risk of complete annihilation inside of love?
“The only real question is how able are you to love yourself and take the risk of complete annihilation inside of love.”
The “something to do” isn’t a dating strategy or more self-improvement. It’s: let your heart break every time. Be overwhelmed by the love you feel for the whole world and yourself.
Related Concepts
- Dissolution of self is what love requires
- Control is the trade for self-love
- We attract what we learned as love
- Surrender into love prevents self-betrayal
- Longing and loneliness are love in disguise
- Heartbreak is the mechanism of healthy boundaries