When Joe asked the woman to love God fully — “non-defended love, no armor up love, no longer in control love” — she didn’t give herself away. She dissolved. There was no “self” giving to another. The experience was overwhelming: “It feels like trying to catch a waterfall.” All the emotions at once. Yearning for connection that extended not just to God but to the entire world.
Her immediate reaction was “I can’t function like this.” Joe’s response: “Function happens, but the you in it isn’t functioning.” This is the dissolution of self that love actually requires — not a giving away, not a sacrifice, but a dissolving of the boundary between self and other. It’s terrifying because there’s no one left to be in control.
“How is the loss of control not also the loss of self? That’s right.”
The woman’s deepest fear — “I don’t want to give myself away” — was based on a misunderstanding. Dissolution isn’t giving yourself away. It’s discovering there was never a separate self to give. This is what love asks for, and it’s what makes love feel like annihilation.
Related Concepts
- Surrender into love prevents self-betrayal
- Sense of self expands then dissolves
- We find love when we stop fearing annihilation
- Heartbreak is the mechanism of healthy boundaries
- Longing and loneliness are love in disguise
- Self-pressure suppresses the love and awareness underneath