We define ourselves as much by what we’re NOT as by what we are. And we resist challenges to both.
“‘No, no, I could never know that. I’m not good enough.’ That’s also ego. That’s also defining myself as this way.”
Both Directions Resist
- “You’re really smart!” → “No, I’m not.” (resisted)
- “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” → “Wait, hold on!” (resisted)
The ego wants to stay solid, predictable. Any challenge to the current self-image—positive or negative—threatens that solidity.
The Hidden Cost of “Good” News
Why resist a compliment? Because accepting it has implications:
- “You’re really good at math” might mean you should learn math
- “You’re a caring husband” might mean more responsibility
- “You could succeed at this” might mean you have to try
Staying “bad at math” is safer than discovering you’re good at it.
The Truth
We’re different all the time. Different with different people, at different ages, in different moods. The “solid self” we’re protecting doesn’t really exist.
Related Concepts
- We push away the approval we seek
- Be in the unknown during identity shifts
- The expansiveness of I Am
- Any way you define yourself limits you