Whether you rebel against authority or seek its approval, you’re handing your power over. The rebel defines themselves in opposition to authority; the approval-seeker defines themselves through authority’s validation. Neither is paying attention to their own choices.
“On a personal level we’re handing our power over one way or another—whether I’m handing my power over by rebelling against or somebody’s handing power over by trying to get approval. Either way we’re not paying attention to our choices.”
The rebel benefits from not following blindly (Joe’s authority issues drove him to experiment, meditate, and build something unique). The approval-seeker benefits from openness to learning (they get mentorship, don’t reinvent the wheel). But both are incomplete. The resolution: get in touch with your own wants, become your own authority—not from shoulds, but from genuine wanting.
Joe notes that CEOs who were rebels often struggle to provide structure because they’re afraid of becoming the oppressive authority they resisted. The people-pleaser side builds resentment because they sacrifice truth for approval.
Related Concepts
- We push away approval we seek
- War with your wants creates self-sabotage
- Authority issues mean not treating authorities as human beings
- Seeking approval pushes away the very connection you want