Joe deliberately told Esme he hated high-waisted jeans — made a huge fuss about them being ugly and old-fashioned — specifically so she’d have something harmless to rebel against. She wore them for years in gleeful defiance. When he eventually told her it was “all for the plot,” her first reaction was shock, then: “What else is he making up?”
The insight: rebellion is a natural developmental need for teenagers. If you don’t provide harmless channels for it, it comes out “in some weird other sideways way” — substances, dangerous behavior, full rejection of the relationship. Teenagers know they’re young and learning. They’ll rebel if you tell them what to do. The question is what they rebel against.
Joe’s own teenage rebellion was extreme — green mohawk, running away, getting kicked out — because there was nothing healthy to push against. Recognizing rebellion as natural and channeling it is far more effective than trying to suppress it.