Joe traces self-doubt to a specific childhood pattern: when Dad got angry, the child couldn’t get angry back (a five-year-old can’t say “what the hell, I’m your kid, don’t do this to me”), so the only act of sovereignty available was to ask “what did I do wrong?” The anger goes inward, becoming self-blame, and that becomes chronic doubt.
He estimates at least 60% of people operate this way. His diagnostic question blows clients’ minds: “Is there ever been any time that somebody has yelled at you and you haven’t gone into doubt?” They can’t find a single instance. Apparently, anytime anyone has ever been mad at them, it’s somehow their fault.
“Doubt requires a closed heart… the anger should be going outward, but you can’t do that as a five-year-old, so you say ‘what did I do wrong’—anger goes inward, you start beating yourself up, and that’s the doubt.”
Doubt persists because you can never make everyone happy—so there’s always fuel for the pattern. The same person may be happy with your decision one day and unhappy the next, because their mood is mostly about their own stuff, not yours.
Related Concepts
- Doubt is leaving your heart
- Doubt protects from unwanted emotions
- Rebellion and approval seeking are the same coin
- Anger turned inward becomes shame and shoulds