Triggers work in both directions. Not only do we get triggered when someone says something that matches our self-criticism—we also get triggered by behaviors in others that we don’t allow in ourselves.
“It’s always the case that the thing that triggers you about somebody else is something in yourself that you don’t like.”
The Example
If you’re comfortable sharing your accomplishments, someone else doing the same doesn’t bother you. But if you think sharing accomplishments is “bragging” and not allowed, you’ll judge others who do it.
That judgment reveals that you’ve disowned a part of yourself—the part that wants to be seen and celebrated.
The Universal Truth
“Whatever that thing is, whether it’s wanting to be seen or wanting to share all the cool things you’ve done, whether it’s being judgmental, whether it’s being a braggart, whether it’s being arrogant, whether it’s being falsely humble, we all do it. Every single one of us does it.”
You’re judging yourself for something universally human. And that judgment creates suffering.
Related Concepts
- Triggers reveal what we judge in ourselves
- We get triggered when something rhymes with our negative self-talk
- Resisting parts of yourself creates more of that behavior
- Shaming a behavior is the best way to guarantee it repeats