Several common behaviors are pointers to an unowned desire to be seen. Bragging — or feeling self-conscious about sharing accomplishments — signals a part of yourself that wants to be seen but can only come out “sideways.” Judging someone else for bragging or taking up too much space points to a part of yourself you’ve disallowed from being seen.
Envy is particularly useful: it points directly to what we won’t allow ourselves to have or want. Daydreams of recognition — the save-the-day moment, the crowd going wild — represent parts of ourselves “begging us to hug and hold and give a little seeing to.”
Perhaps most revealing: pushing away compliments. When someone gives a heartfelt compliment and we discredit it mentally, guard the chest, or clench the gut, we’re seeing parts that long to be seen but that we won’t allow. The fear is twofold: they’ll see we’re bad (shame), or they’ll see we’re good (and we can’t hold our own goodness).
“Don’t let it get to your head and don’t be seen are like synonymous with each other.”
“Envy rocks — it is that pointer to parts of ourselves we’ve disallowed.”
Related Concepts
- Admire what you crave in others
- What triggers you in others exists in you
- Judgment signals unfelt emotion
- Pushing away compliments reveals disallowed goodness