Anything you can’t love about your partner, anything you want to change about them — that’s something you can’t love about yourself. It’s something you have no flexibility in yourself, something you judge yourself for or would judge yourself for.
“My ability to be patient and loving and caring towards every aspect of Tara is a direct reflection of my capacity to be loving and patient with the aspects of myself. Period.”
There’s nothing in the other person that doesn’t exist in you. You can’t love something in them but not in yourself, or vice versa. The two are inseparable.
This is why people who truly love themselves create the healthiest relationships. You simply can’t imagine two people who deeply love and accept themselves being in a diabolically dysfunctional relationship. And the common fear — that self-love will make you lazy or selfish — is unfounded. Find someone who truly loves themselves and is also evil or non-ambitious. You won’t.
Related Concepts
- What triggers you in others exists in you
- Triggers reveal self-judgment
- Wanting someone to change reflects self-rejection
- Self-love is the capacity limit for loving others