Joe identifies the precise mechanism of triggering: we only get defensive about things that echo what we already tell ourselves.
“We get triggered when somebody says something to us that rhymes with our negative self-talk.”
The Test
If someone says something you genuinely don’t believe about yourself, there’s no charge. “The sky is purple”—if you don’t secretly think the sky is purple, you won’t get triggered.
But if there’s a voice inside already criticizing you for something, and someone else says it out loud, the defense mechanisms activate immediately.
“You getting triggered only happens when somebody is saying something that you agree with.”
The Implication
This means every trigger is information. When you get defensive, you’ve just discovered something you believe about yourself but don’t want to admit.
The trigger isn’t the problem—it’s the messenger.
Related Concepts
- Triggers reveal what we judge in ourselves
- What triggers you in others is something you don’t like in yourself