Joe shares a deeply personal recognition from his own journey: after 20 years of inner work, he discovered “this very subtle way in which I was putting myself above people to protect myself.” The “I got this” stance — competence, self-sufficiency, holding it together — contains within it a subtle hierarchy. It positions you above, which keeps you separate.
This isn’t arrogance in the obvious sense. It’s the quiet assumption that you’re the one who holds, not the one who’s held. The one who helps, not the one who needs. The gauge Joe offers is simple: if you notice any subtle way you’re putting yourself above, that’s your measure of how much work is left.
“When I fully went into that helpless place, that disappeared forever.”
The dissolution came not through insight but through helplessness — a situation where no skill, intelligence, or wherewithal could help. That experience dissolved the subtle superiority permanently.
Related Concepts
- Holding it together shields you from the support trying to reach you
- The feeling being avoided underneath ‘I’ve got this’ is helplessness
- You can’t be seen if you’re not being yourself
- Putting yourself above others is a subtle form of protection
- Helplessness dissolves false self-reliance
- Gentle narcissism hides in the call to coach