Many people drawn to coaching, healing, or spaceholding carry what Joe’s daughter calls “gentle narcissism” — a desire to be the person who knows, the one who’s looked to for answers, the one who’s needed and validated. This isn’t malicious; sometimes it’s even an important part of the call, because doing the work erodes that very narcissism.
But if unexamined, it creates real damage. The “fix it mentality” traces back to “I’m going to be the smart person in the room,” which traces back further to “I actually feel like shit about myself, so let me utilize this situation to feel better.” Whatever unexamined foil a coach carries will show up in their clients — “if there’s this very deep moralistic side to them, you’ll see that trap in most of the people who work with them.”
Joe’s litmus tests: If you want the moniker of “coach” more than the being of service — something’s wobbly. If you’re doing it to make money — something’s wobbly. If someone offered you $100 million to never coach again and you’d take it — don’t coach. The call must be undeniable, not a career pivot.
“If you want to be of service, you can do that in every single aspect of your life. You don’t need to coach to be of service.”
Related Concepts
- False humility as defense
- The hollowing out process never ends
- Facilitating from your own edge
- Three dangerous motivations draw people to coaching
- You are a terrible boss to yourself and that’s why you’re stuck
- If you think you have a choice about your calling, don’t do it
- Subtle superiority is a protection pattern that creates isolation
- Putting yourself above others is a subtle form of protection