People often become overachievers because they’re trying to prove they’re valuable—because they weren’t seen as valuable in their nature. The child whose parents asked “is that useful?” learned that who they are isn’t enough; what they produce is what matters.
“People often become overachievers because they’re trying to show that they’re valuable because they’re not seen as valuable in their nature.”
The overachiever is in survival mode through two channels: achieving a lot, and trying to be seen. Both are desperate strategies to earn what should have been given freely—the experience of being valued for who you are, not what you produce.
The perfectionist also hides the process, showing only the polished result. “I’m not showing myself, so fuck you for not seeing me.” It’s a self-defeating loop: hide yourself, then resent others for not seeing what you’ve hidden.
Related Concepts
- Can’t be seen if not being yourself
- Regret comes from not being yourself
- War with your wants creates self-sabotage