Regret doesn’t come from outcomes—it comes from contorting yourself to get outcomes.
The Pattern of Regret
- You want a result
- You contort yourself to get it
- You don’t get it
- You feel regret
But the regret isn’t about not getting the result. It’s about the contortion.
The Test
Think of something you regret. Now imagine: what if you had been 100% yourself, proud of how you behaved—and still got the same result? Would you still regret it?
“If you really allow yourself to feel that—‘I am proud of the way that I behaved’—how much does it matter that you got the result you wanted as far as regret goes?”
The Woman’s Last Words
“All my life I felt like there was something wrong with me. What a waste.”
She wasn’t saying she wished she’d achieved more. She was saying she wished she’d been herself. That’s the actual regret at the end of a life.
The Cascade
“If you are regretting a conversation, you are very likely going to regret the day. If you regret the day, you’re very likely going to regret the year. If you regret the year, you’re very likely going to regret your life.”
It works the other way too: live days without regret by being yourself, and you’ll have a life without regret.
Related Concepts
- Being yourself designs a life that fits you
- The expansiveness of I Am
- Purpose is lived in the present moment