When people agonize over whether to stay in or leave a relationship, Joe’s response is almost always the same: just be fully who you are. Stop defending yourself and simply show up as yourself. If the relationship becomes a dumpster fire, it was already over. If it doesn’t — and about 70-80% of the time it doesn’t — the relationship heals just from authentic presence.
“Why don’t you just be yourself in the relationship and if it becomes a dumpster fire it’s a dumpster fire… and if it doesn’t become a dumpster fire, something like 70-80 percent of the time the relationship heals just from that.”
This same principle applies to jobs: instead of agonizing about quitting, just be yourself. The inauthenticity is the source of all the pain in the relationship. When you stop performing and start being real, your partner typically becomes more attracted, more excited, more eager — after an initial adjustment period of one to six months.
Even if being authentic doesn’t save the relationship, it teaches you how to be yourself in the next one, and creates a more amicable separation. There’s no downside.
Related Concepts
- Can’t be seen if not being yourself
- Authenticity is a path, not a destination
- Being yourself gets you promoted or freed