Authenticity isn’t saying the first thing that comes to mind — that can be conditioning or trauma. Joe defines authenticity as neither avoiding being yourself nor defending being yourself. If you’re avoiding, you’re not okay with yourself. If you’re defending, you’ve agreed something is wrong. Both are forms of trying.
The only way to be authentic is to allow yourself — to listen to yourself, receive who you are, and let that express. It’s being a channel, not performing. “I had to really try hard to be authentic” rattles the brain because it’s an inherent contradiction. Authenticity is a receiving, a listening.
“The biggest joy I have in interacting with others is their authenticity, and being authentic together — that’s what actually feels deeply intimate.”
The main reason people aren’t authentic is that they want a certain reaction from others. But managing others’ reactions means not allowing them to be themselves either. When Joe moves from his own authenticity, he notices all he really wants from others is their authenticity too — not agreement, not praise, not attention. Just realness.
Related Concepts
- Authenticity is a path not destination
- Can’t be seen if not being yourself
- Being yourself designs your life
- Contradiction between words and body reveals the mask we’re wearing
- Listening is receiving, not doing
- The voice of fakeness is intuition, not pathology