Joe recommends replacing self-improvement with self-discovery.
“I recommend a discovery process where you’re not trying to make yourself into anything, but you’re just allowing yourself to find out who you are.”
The Oak Tree
“What’s the perfect oak tree? Is it the acorn, or is it the sapling? Or is it the 20-year-old oak tree or the 100-year-old oak tree? Which one’s perfect? Which one’s good enough? Which one has flaws?”
Every stage is complete. An acorn isn’t a flawed oak—it’s a perfect acorn. We’re always evolving, but that doesn’t mean any stage is broken.
The Reframe
Just because you’re learning something doesn’t mean you need to improve yourself. Doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough as you are.
Learning can be:
- What you want (not what you should)
- The nature of evolution
- Like a child learning to walk—they don’t have to, they just do
Shoulds vs. Wants
When growth becomes obligation, it stagnates. When it flows from genuine desire, it happens naturally.
“Probably what’s happening is there’s a lot of ‘shoulding’ and ‘have to,’ there’s a lot of shame going on in your system and you’re not in touch with your wants.”
Related Concepts
- Self-improvement is a form of self-annihilation
- Be in the unknown during identity shifts
- Wanting is aliveness