Instead of framing relationship work as “try this, and if it doesn’t work, it’s over,” frame it as a series of 10-20 experiments. This reframe bypasses the brain’s failure-avoidance mechanism and removes the possibility of “failing.”
“Instead of having it like I’m going to try this and if it doesn’t work then it’s over, you need to think about it as like oh here are the 10, 20 experiments that I’m going to do.”
With experiments, there’s no failure—only data. “We tried that, it didn’t work for us because we’re these kinds of two people, so we’re going to try this other thing.” Even experiments that “don’t work” teach you about yourself and each other, creating the foundation for experiments that will work.