Jaime Waydo’s breakthrough was simple: “They’re paying me because they want me to be successful, and maybe I should think pretty hard about what are the systems I need to be successful.”
This felt selfish—especially as a woman socialized to prioritize everyone else. But the math is clear: when you’re depleted, you can’t take care of anyone. When you’re full, your care is genuine rather than obligatory.
The word “selfish” is a trap. It conflates “knowing what you need” with “not caring about others.” In reality, owning your needs is the prerequisite for genuinely serving others. The alternative—the empty cup—shows up as inconsistency, resentment, and eventually, crying in a parking lot too exhausted to take care of yourself.
Related Concepts
- Owning wants means being okay with having them
- Codependence comes from not owning wants
- War with your wants creates self-sabotage