Joe poses a thought experiment: imagine a 12-year-old with an abusive, unattuned father asking “how do I act humble here?” The answer “go make yourself small” clearly doesn’t feel like humility. What feels like humility is whatever is required to take care of yourself.
People who have a deep sense of humility are generally very good at taking care of themselves. This runs counter to the cultural expectation that humility means self-sacrifice or putting yourself last. True humility can mean stepping into the scary thing you’re called to do — but it can equally mean protecting yourself, setting boundaries, and honoring your own needs.
The distinction: you protect yourself without being defensive. You’re not defending an identity. You’re caring for yourself because that’s what the moment requires, the same way Gandhi cared for himself between acts of resistance.
Related Concepts
- Humility is not making yourself small
- Owning your needs is not selfish
- Disappearing as a survival strategy
- Following your calling requires humility even when it’s uncomfortable
- Humility is not taking life personally
- The hollowing out process never ends