Summary
Joe and Brett explore humility through a Q&A format, responding to listener questions. Joe defines humility as not taking life personally — the dissolution of identity and self-defense. He distinguishes it sharply from what society often calls humility: making yourself small, being conflict-avoidant, or caretaking to avoid trouble. True humility, he argues, is deeply empowering rather than diminishing.
The conversation covers how humility relates to impartiality, disempowerment, self-promotion, and expressing yourself fully. Joe leads listeners through a meditation combining unconditional love and empowerment, showing they are flavors of the same feeling. He shares stories about following a calling even when uncomfortable, and explains how humility in coaching means becoming invisible — letting projections move through you without getting caught in them.
The episode closes with reflections on how their relationship to humility has changed as the Art of Accomplishment community has grown, with Joe noting that humility has become more important to him the bigger things get — seeing the work as grace moving through him rather than something he controls.
Key Concepts
- Humility is not taking life personally
- Empowerment and unconditional love are the same feeling
- Humility is not making yourself small
- Following your calling requires humility even when it’s uncomfortable
- Letting compliments move all the way through you destroys ego
- Humility can require self-care
Key Quotes
“Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”
“One of the most arrogant things you can say is ‘I’m humble,’ and one of the most humble things you can say is ‘I’m arrogant.‘”
“The more you’re not taking life personally, in a weird way you become more intimate with it.”
“If you let a good compliment move all the way through you, it just takes out your ego.”
“The same way I got here — through grace.”
Transcript
last week I asked listeners to share their questions about humility and just ask us anything that they wanted on Twitter or in our Circle community and so today Joe and I are going to talk for a little bit about humility and then dive into some of those questions how’s that sound Joe sounds good let’s do it excellent let’s do it all right well let’s just get straight into it then so okay so let’s just start by defining you know defining our terms again and uh what is humility Ah that’s like the one one of the more tricky ones that’s one of the more tricky ones to Define I think the let me redefine or Reas the question what is humility to you right well it’s always to me whenever I’m defining it um so humility the humility the one of the quotes I loved about humility that I listened to recently which was on all things a show on Apple called I think Tad lasso was the is the name of the show and at some point one of the characters says um humility isn’t thinking less of yourself it’s thinking of yourself less and and I that’s not exactly perfect in my mind but it’s a very pithy way to say it which is great to me what humility is is that that you’re not taking the world personally I think that’s a great way to define um you could probably like the more your ego has died probably the is another way to say like more the more humble you are I think the the the difficulty that people have is that our society has defined the ego as somebody who’s like I’m so great I’m so awesome you guys suck somebody who’s arrogant it’s like e he’s got a big ego he’s got an ego is the same as saying somebody’s arrogant nowadays and for me the definition of ego is really any self-de that you take personally so if you’re like I’m no good that’s as much ego as I’m the best both of them are very limiting both of those both of those two things um take you away from who you actually are both of them are are uh ways that you will it’s their identities that you will defend whether subconsciously or consciously and so to me humility is really where you stop defending yourself humility is when that you see that there is nothing to defend when you don’t take it personally when you don’t take life personally so to speak and the weird thing about that is that the more you’re not taking life personally in a weird way it becomes you become more intimate with it so the the more that life is um you’re not like oh that that hurt that offended that that I need to defend um the more intimate you actually become with life the more you’re you’re meeting life as it is and you’re the more you are not fighting the moment and so to me that’s humility yeah yeah I love that and one of one of the things that kind of brought this topic up for me was was sort of this kind of a recognition well lot of what you spoken to here is like what is not present when we’re humble which is like what’s not present is that we’re not taking shit personally we’re not we don’t have some identity that we’re defending and what is present that you were just kind of alluding to there is that there’s sort of a awe there’s sort of a Wonder of what what is it that we are like who who is it that we’re going to be in this moment we just don’t know and if we just don’t know it yeah then we get to discover it and that’s that’s a very different stance than having a self concept that is whe whether it is the traditionally egoic self-concept that Society sees or if it’s the I am small I need to be small kind of belief yeah I think that the other thing is that when I mean intimacy there is some on in that as well there’s also like you’re feeling everything like you like there’s an intimacy in the fact that I’m actually in touch with I am touching life in a weird way and the in and the the the thing about the way society looks at you is they can look at a very humble person as arrogant like I’m sure in the halls of British power when Gandhi existed that there’s people like that arrogant little blah blah blah diaper Weare I’m sure that was said thinking that he can take on the British Empire that like what arrogance um and and there’s a quote that I love that says if you like one of the most arrogant things you can say is I’m humble and one of the most humble things you can say is I’m arrogant andh and and there is something something else happens with humility where you can see that you’re arrogant you can see that you’re an asshole you can see that you’re you’re you you don’t see things clearly you can see that you’re incapable you can see but it that doesn’t mean that you then act incapable or you act like an asshole it actually yeah makes you more capable able it makes you less of an asshole when you can see those things and that’s also a part of what humility does is because you’re not defending it to the outside world you’re also not defending it to yourself so you can see how there’s a part of you that could become a murder or become a dictator or become an asshole or whatever the thing yeah it’s it’s it’s like Carl Young said around the darkness it’s like you can’t be denying your Darkness there’s actually a deep acceptance and love in your humility there’s a love for the thing that you would defend and so there’s a love for the darkness which actually dissipates the darkness which is very strange but that’s that’s how it works it’s like to be able to love the fact that you’re an asshole changes the fact that you’re an asshole yeah yeah so in in the humility of being able to say I’m arrogant I’m not defining myself as the opposite of arrogant and I’m able to see the truth in the statement that I’m arrogant without then defining Myself by that correct right right by not then going oh now I’m aspects yes exactly and not take it personally and not and not it’s like just less humility is less of an identity there’s just less identity yeah beautiful so so briefly before we get into these questions what is what is humility not what is what unless we’ve covered that already what what would be uh humility is not defining yourself as humble humility is is um not making yourself small humility is not um not um trying to uh be caretaking for others is in a way to avoid conflict humility is not um it’s not necessarily giving your life to service frankly like I know people like I remember my grandmother lovely lady in so many ways but man she was so defined by all the service that she did she would brag about it to her friends oh I did this service I did that service it’s like that’s not that’s not humility even though there was service there and the service felt good but she was so deeply defined by it and she would so deeply defend it if you were to challenge that aspect of her so it’s it’s a lot of what Society call pause humble is actually not humble what it is is like conflict avoidant often or caret takey or you know or codependent is often or or making yourself small and that’s not what humility is and you can see those people will defend oftentimes with guilt or passive aggression or stuff like that and while calling themselves humble yeah and what and what’s wrong with that nothing nothing we all we all we all have our identity that we’re all you know defending from time to time so there’s nothing wrong with to make it wrong would then U be another level of identity that you have to get through there’s nothing wrong with it it the only thing I can say is it’s painful only thing I mean it doesn’t it doesn’t give you a direct connection with yourself it doesn’t it doesn’t um have a sense of freedom to it it it doesn’t um fill your heart it doesn’t like it doesn’t allow you to feel Joy all those things but it’s not it’s absolutely not wrong it’s it’s human yeah yeah and so before we get yeah yeah yeah and and you know one of the reasons why I ask it is just that a lot of the things that we talk about can be can be weaponized if we’re using it to avoid our own feelings and manage others and this could just be another way of doing that um and so kind of the the invitation here is anywhere we notice that we’re defending something or we have an identity that we’re holding on to here or that we’re taking shit personally is just some new way that we get to explore our own deeper Freedom yeah and with that in fact if you start to weaponize it means you have to have been defending something like like you could take this and say ah right like if you it you can’t weaponize this without starting to identify as humble you can’t be oppressed by the definition that i g just gave and you can’t like feel bad about yourself by the definition that I just gave unless you also are identifying with something so so even the idea of like oh I’m shitty because XY and Z that isn’t humility I am X Y and Z that’s true about me and I can love that that’s humility I’m a horrible person because I did X Y and Z that’s not humility that’s like you’re still thinking about yourself a ton and you’re still heavily defined and you’re still defending that because that shame is locking it in place and anything that locks it in place is a form of Defense yeah all right well with that I’d love to dive into some of the questions that we received from listeners okay so our first question is from pav hey pav yeah hey pav uh Pavo asks how are impartiality and humility different um oh impartiality is a symptom of humility and it also if you practice impartiality itat humility but um just being impartial isn’t particularly a full it isn’t non-defensive in in any in many other ways so if you’re impartial what you’re doing is you’re allowing life to unfold in a way or you allowing other people and yourself to unfold in such a way that you’re not resisting it and so that that is a form of non non-defense it uh it allows people to come to you and uh be more intimate with you be more transparent with you because they don’t feel judged or managed and humility in general creates that around you as well however just being impartial doesn’t mean you can’t be defensive in other ways doesn’t mean that you can’t attack in other ways and so I would say impartiality is a byproduct and a good practice to get to humility but it is not the same thing all right thank you pav and our next question comes from Lucy Lucy asks how do humility and disempowerment get confused yeah so so they they get confused disempowerment gets confused with humility because people are actually just being conflict avoidant or they’re being codependent which means that they’re trying to make somebody else happy so that they don’t um get attacked or they don’t get in trouble that’s General what’s happening there and so if you take somebody like Martin Luther King for instance and like there’s a huge amount of humility to do what he has to do to be attacked all the time on all levels even apparently to the point of being shot and yet still do what’s true for him and be non- defended in it non violent in it non attack back in it right to do that requires a lot of humility and he wasn’t avoiding conflict and he wasn’t saying oh you know what it would just be humble for us to let the white man do what he wants with us or it would just be humble for me to just not create a scene here or how do I know what America really needs you know that’s for that’s for the president I am you know who am I to say that’s none of that is humility so so it’s often times humility means that you’re walking into an attack it means that you’re walking into a situation that you know you’re going to be attacked and you’re doing it with an open heart instead of doing it with a defensive shield and so some people aren’t conflict avoidant but they come in ready for the attack the humble person doesn’t avoid the conflict but comes in with an open heart comes in undefended and that is incredibly empowering to to when when you actually experience somebody maybe you could even call it turning the other cheek when you when you experience someone coming at you and you’re undefended and like it’s like in dosm they talk about it like if if someone’s coming at you and a sword be water like if you ever like see a man with a sword attack a lake like that’s what it feels like and you’re like oh I’m the lake the sword means nothing that’s an like a deeply empowering feeling but to avoid it and to be small and to think that you can’t do it that isn’t that isn’t humility that is just another definition that’s just another way to defend yourself through avoidance right and I I can see that also coming up in the example of like accepting or asking for a promotion or receiving an award of you know like oh no no no like let’s say you you win a Grammy and you and your entire team did all work maybe it’s Grammy or whatever award and yeah and you’re just like oh no no no it it was nothing you know like right the recognition doesn’t actually get in for you or or whoever else you’re accepting the award on the behalf of yeah and the people who are giving it feel like okay well that was dumb why’ we do this what are we even here for right yeah it doesn’t right it doesn’t and so that that’s what what’s interesting here is that other piece of it if you allow yourself to feel for just a moment fully deeply empowered like oh I am completely empowered here most people wouldn’t think that that feeling is associated humility like if you actually like oh I’m totally empowered to create the life that I want and to create and to to create the world that I want and I feel deeply empowered to do that most people are going to think oh that feeling is really like it’s a sister or a brother of arrogance but it it ends up not being that at all because that that feeling can’t actually really happen unless um there’s a lot of love and not very much fear happening and that is so there’s this like deep well of emptiness behind that empowerment which is the humility the humility often feels like an emptiness well that I think that leads right into our to our next question and thank thank you Lucy uh our next one is from Janine and Janine asks I imagine humility is seeing the self as empty and acknowledging the wisdom beyond the self perfect timing for that part of the conversation and how can I have both an empty self and self-empowerment oh wow and those both we’ve g a lot like the same thing I mean my answer to you would be how would you not um how would you not feel how could you feel humility without feeling empowered if it so the so typically the empowerment the disempowerment comes because there’s a you there that’s going to get hurt or there’s a you there that is supposed to be one way or another and if there is no you there like you the experience is you are everything and that’s a very deeply empowering thing so that that emptiness comes with a a deep sense of empowerment and and this is the it is such a weird thing because we have been trained most of us have been trained not to fully step into our power and so one of the things that I’ve done that I don’t know if I’ve ever done on the podcast but I’d love to do on the podcast is if anybody who’s listening closes their eyes for a minute don’t do it if you’re driving obviously but um close your eyes for a minute and you feel what it’s like to feel unconditional love and you put that into your body for a minute and just what does unconditional love feel like in your body and then stop feeling that for a second and feel what it’s like to be empowered where you’re not responding to fear where you’re not preparing for anything where you you know you’ve got whatever is needed to handle the next thing you’re like Superman with no cryonite in the fact that there’s nothing to be concerned about and you feel that deep empowerment and then you go back to the unconditional love for a moment and really feel that unconditional love for everything for yourself and then you go back to feeling that deep empowerment nothing to prepare for all is right in your world and whatever movement you can handle it’s like how different are those two feelings and what happens if you put those two feelings together what happens when you actually feel that unconditional love and that empowerment together the sensation of empowerment and The Sensation of unconditional love are they’re like they they’re not full without each other you don’t get to full empowerment without unconditional love and you don’t get to full unconditional love without empowerment and it’s why you can see yeah please go ahead go yeah am I yeah in my system they feel like just different aspects of the same the same thing yeah different different flavors of the same feeling yeah and that and that’s and it’s it’s a it’s such a like if you look out into the world of the the the paragons of unconditional love they don’t look disempowered right you can’t can you imagine someone who’s just like unconditional loving and feels disempowered right or somebody who’s deeply undefended and feels disempowered but somehow or another when the dis when the empowerment starts coming up we’re like uhoh I’m being arrogant uh oh it feels like arrogance and so we push it down which brings us straight into our next question from from David who asks how do you know if you’re being arrogantly humble because because you think you’re humble because you’re defining yourself that way because um yeah because you’re putting yourself over people with your humility you’re making yourself better than if somebody calls you arrogant you get defensive all those things it’s part of the self- defin it’s it’s how you compare yourself with others that all of that is what tells you that you’re arrogantly humble yeah it’s great question yeah thank you thank you David so our next one next one comes from from Edmund yeah and thank you Janine oh hey hey Edmund yeah hey Edmund okay so Edmund has sort of an observation and some questions he says I learned the Hebrew word anava earlier this week I probably I’m sure I butchered that uh it translates to humility but literally means occupying our god-given space in the world so he ask yeah that’s right several questions I’ll bring two of them here uh how do we be and yet take up our full space how do and then how do I promote myself at work and my work or and how do I promote myself and my work while being humble once again all of that sounds like the same the same thing yeah yeah so yeah I have a story about that I remember I was doing my first um course and it was like 18 18 people or no I’m sorry 14 people it’s my first Course and there was a person who applied for it and I had three people call up and say don’t accept this person three people who were in the course I might not stay in the course if you accept this person kind of phone calls and and when he came up to the house to meet me and for me to see if he was right for the course my kids were like don’t don’t hire that guy I’m like I’m not trying to hire we’re finding out if it’s like if he’s right for the course they’re like don’t work with him both my kids you know meeting them or like no he’s he’s uhuh and and my whole system was like uh I don’t want to work with this person but what I couldn’t deny was this call it was like yeah this person is supposed to be in your course I didn’t want it my kids didn’t want it these other people didn’t want it but I couldn’t deny that there where my call falling was the thing that was pulling me to do the work that I do was like yeah and you this is a person that’s supposed to be in your course and it turned out this person was absolutely supposed to be in the course it was a pain in the butt for for from time to time but created so much for the course and so there’s this interesting thing that happens when humility sets in is that you follow like a call you follow even if you don’t want to do it and the reason you follow it is because you realize every time I don’t follow that thing it hurts so I just I just no matter what my ego wants to say about it I’m gonna do the thing that I’m called to do even if I disagree with it even if I don’t want to do it I do that thing that I’m called to do and you can’t really hear that calling really without a certain amount of humility and and then when you hear it you kind of reject it for a while push up against it and then you start realizing oh this is just going to be painful if I if I don’t do the thing that I’m called to do so so that’s how it works is if you’re called to do something whether it’s like a Gandhi calling or it’s a calling to have kids doesn’t really matter if you’re called to do it and you’re feeling that then then you follow that call even if that call is self-promotion even if that call is self-promotion which makes you feel uncomfortable I do things in our our business all the time that make me feel uncomfortable right like and but that’s the calling that’s the thing and and that requires a certain amount of humility because every one of those uncomfortable things that I do in in my business like sand away at at my ego they sand away at my identity because they’re they’re uncomfortable specifically because they are in the way of my identity they’re uncomfortable because it’s like I’m not the kind of person who does X Y and Z right I’m the kind of person who does a b and c right so the other thing I would say at the same time it’s there’s some there’s some wisdom in the discomfort too so self-promotion is one of those things that is not it doesn’t come to me automatically it’s something that I I I also have to allow and but there’s also um specifically for you Edmond there’s also self-promotion can be dangerous to the to like your unfolding without a doubt and to actually hear that listen to that and still do the thing that you’re called to do but do it in a way that really pays attention to the danger of it that pays attention to the fact that you might get caught up in it that that pays attention to the fact that that people might attack you because you self-promote and how are you going to be undefended in that situation is really an important part of the process so it’s it’s you’re following the call but you’re also listening to the to the wisdom in the in the and the resistance yeah yeah it sounds to me like the promoting myself while being humble involves like the the question for me is really how do I promote myself without taking on new ident identities and without taking on new identities by defending when people start to see and and challenge me in my yeah as I take up my space and to to the earlier question about how do we be humble yet take up our full space it sounds like to me being humble is taking up our full space like how how humble would it be for me to decide that the Universe has the the order of the universe is wrong and that I didn’t like that it shouldn’t actually show up fully like for some reason I am in particular not supposed to show up somehow like how could I decide that it for me it’s also like it’s not following your calling right it’s like to take up your full space requires you to follow the calling you can’t take up your full space and and and be doing it for yourself you’re doing it for something Beyond you and so that is the humility yeah absolutely yeah it’s so it is so seemingly contradictory until you feel it until you’re in that position of actually taking up your space actually being fully empowered that you realize that like there’s it’s not you the great ex example of this is if you’ve listened to artists there’s so many artists who say say this they’re like somebody says oh wow what a great Masterpiece you created and they say it just moved through me it just came through me it’s like or there’s a Healer named Fool’s Crow I think he was Lakota and he talked about he isn’t doing the healing that he’s like a hollow bone and his job is just to keep the bone clear of dirt and then the healing moves through him through him like through that channel and his job is just to clean the channel it’s it’s all those things it’s the the humility is when you’re actually in that space you realize it’s not you it’s it’s moving through you and and it’s a deep humility and and there’s literally a visceral experience of having things move through you in it it’s it’s uh like somebody as in a great example this is somebody gives you a compliment and you go no no no or you don’t let it in all of that is ego none of that is humility humility is when that compliment moves all the way through you and cleans the dirt out of your out of your channel it’s like whack whack whack whack whack it destroys your ego if you let a good compliment move all the way through you it just takes out your ego that it it’s that’s the feeling of letting it all move through you and then there then it’s really hard to see what you are yeah except for yeah I love I love I love that example cleaning the dirt out of the yeah thank you Edmond that was a really good question uh I okay our next one comes from Alex Alex asks uh or Alex says I can use humility as a way to hide sometimes this is playing it safe professionally other times by not leaning into relationships that want more of me I’ve been told this and can at times understand intellectually but I’ve struggled to feel it enough to change my behaviors or beliefs any advice for how to move this um yeah let’s say um a man has a a father who’s really abusive and doesn’t actually isn’t attuned to or listening to the Sun so the question Alex is what is the humble behavior from the Sun is it to make themselves small and back away is it to stand up and fight and rebel like what’s the humble behavior and if a son is raised in that environment then they might take that humility and they might use it to hide from other relationships because relationships were very early on defined as something that was hurtful and abusive or they might make themselves small in a job so that they don’t get noticed so that they don’t get attacked so the question is if you if you have if you if you’re talking to a 12-year-old kid who has an abusive father who’s not attuned and they say how do I act humble here what’s the answer that you give them right and one of the things that you might notice is go make yourself small doesn’t feel like humility right right yeah I feel like my my answer would be whatever is required to take care of themselves right isn’t that a fascinating thing that like humility can actually require self-care and in fact that is exactly what it requires you’ll notice people who actually have a deep sense of humility are very good at taking care of them themselves generally and so and it’s also there’s also humility that’s in stepping into the scary piece because like if it’s like if I’m going to take on the student that I don’t want to it’s because I’m scared but I’m called to do it if Gandhi’s like I’m going to take on the British Empire you bet he’s scared you bet you know C he knows certain things are going to happen he’s going to get prison he’s going to get beaten he’s going to be tortured whatever he’s like of course there’s fear there and so the only reason you do it is because you you’re not protecting yourself and you’re not being defensive protective of yourself you you might protect yourself but you’re not defending and protecting yourself you’re saying this thing that I’m following this cause this um way of living this vision This Love that I’m following is worth me offering myself up to some sort of annihilation so that I can find the part of myself that can’t be annihilated yeah great and thank you Alex all right our next one comes from David and David says I was taught a form of extreme humility as child to the extent that it cut off certain directions in life like acting and Performing and made me mistrust or despise people who are more expressive and open how can I transform my experience of that wound into a healthy form of humility beautiful question is a great question DAV it’s gonna be uncomfortable it’s going to be uncomfortable that’s what I’m going to say like find the joy of expressing yourself that that’s that is the quickest absolute quickest way to do it is to find the joy of expressing yourself find the joy of making yourself big and find that in making yourself big that you disappear that’s the quickest way to do it and it’s not just big in like go out and learn how to do improv big it’s big as in when you’re talking to your wife or your boss make yourself big allow yourself to fully uh be in that space as Edmund was talking about fully take up your rightful space and notice how how your ego gets shooken and starts getting eroded in that process and that’s what’s going to be the discomfort you had something to you had an idea yeah well what one thing one observation I had was that this question really kind of highlights sort of the societal cyclical element of this where David was taught an extreme form of humility or he was taught a definition of humility and a value system around it that made him then mistrust and despise people who were expressive and open and so I also see like side of not a very sorry toor sorry to interrupt not a very humble thing to despise people who are open to be taught to despise people who are open is judgment is not humility right so that’s that’s often times where people people will say hey you should be humble what they really mean is there’s a feeling out there that I’m uncomfortable with please don’t make me feel it but anyway sorry to to interrupt yeah go ahead yeah so so I guess another side of the freedom here is in is for David could be in just noticing in the then like loving that mistrust and the the despising like loving the part of himself that that has that mistrust and just really inquiring into what’s underneath that and what is what is uncomfortable what would be uncomfortable about loving someone who’s more expressive and open yeah and what shows up in the way of that love and that’s that’s that would be beautiful uh ground for exploration yeah one other thought here David is um who’s taking up more space the person who loves the expressive person or the person who hates and despises the expressive person like who who’s actually which which of those two actions is more humble yeah I’ll just leave David to simmer in that one for now thank you David beautiful question and uh next one is from agnesa ah hey aie and she asks how can one experience humility in its full intensity oh Del the same way that you experience silence it the intensity is more in the length of time than it is in in the moment the moment is very soft and gentle but it’s the length of time that really is the intense part be in silence for 10 days you’ll experience the intensity be humility be in humility for an extended period of time and you’ll the intensity it’ll just rip away your ego while while most likely people are calling you very egoic and arrogant it’s typically how it works yeah which and and receiving receiving that flock will also wear away your identity and yes point to the yes yes point to what you’re defending y exactly okay next question from Slava how do you show humility in your coaching and courses and what are some steps one can take to see humility Beyond Authority and arrogance of Fu Joe your Twitter handle I struggle with us a lot yet keep coming back again and again oh that’s funny the the fu Joe um the fu Joe handle came from what I noticed when I was doing live sessions was every time I got in front of somebody who was like practicing View and I’d go around the room they’ get self-conscious like they had to do it right and so I one of the hacks that I found um to get so somebody wouldn’t be self-conscious is if they just looked at me and said fu Joe and then all of a sudden they wouldn’t be they’d laugh they’ get out that little anger that’s behind the self-consciousness and they could like go back to so so it was an invitation to to take anger out on me as a way for them not to be self-conscious and that’s where the fu Joe handle came from so I don’t I don’t know the assumption that you have Slava behind the fu Joe handle um and how that may or may not be uh humble but I’d love to hear about that um in general how does the humility happen in the work itself um there’s there’s two ways in which it does one is that um when we teach like old students in Master Class the people who are like in all the groups that have are being trained to be in all the groups one of the the most important thing of training and facilitation and in coaching is that you have to be invisible that people get to project whatever they want on you they get to project that you’re an asshole that you’re the dad that you’re the mom who doesn’t love them or that you’re the greatest person in the whole world your Perfection like you have to allow all those projections for their healing and not get caught in it so it’s allowing it but allowing it to move right through you and not take on the like yeah I do have all the answers because because none of us do and or yeah I am that dad I am that Authority figure and you can’t join them in the in the routine or the pattern that they’re playing out but your job is to receive that all the way let that move all the way through you so the very basis of what we do in any facilitation and coaching is allowing yourself to be a mirror which means there’s no you there and so that’s that’s the that’s how it happens that’s the most basic part which it happens the other part is that you do things that are uncomfortable all the time in this work um you know if you’ve seen my rapid fire coaching I will say some deeply uncomfortable things to people because it it’s the their their potential Freedom that’s on the line there and and when I do that I’m taking a risk like I often pucker when I say those things because oh I’m I’m inviting a potential attack I’m inviting potentially somebody to judge me or to say that I’ve treated them poorly or whatever it is um and it seems to work out most of the time not all the time but it seems to work out most of the time for the benefit of others and so it’s easier to do that but especially at the beginning of doing this work it was really like I I would I would be my nervous system would be shaken after sessions because I said things that were really scary to say because it was because it was the thing I was called to say um so that that’s how it works that’s that’s how the humility Works in in this game yeah yeah and and you do have to be reminded like or remind yourself or allow yourself to be surrounded by people who make fun of you I think like one of my biggest Joys is to be surrounded by people who make fun of me on a regular basis or I make fun of myself like with a fu Joe handle um because that’s something that really helps in keeping it level when you know there’s some group of people out there who think that you’re I don’t some authority figure or somebody who’s going to judge them or some yeah or somebody who whose approval they need or whatever like allows that to you know and having two teenage daughters does that really really well they make fun of you all the time yeah cool cool all right so this will be our last question this is from Max Max asks how have your that is Brett and Joe’s how have Brett and Joe’s relationship to humility changed over time and has the growth of the AOA community in following had any effect on this yeah what has changed over time just our what of humility relationship relationship to humility how’s our relationship with yeah my my my relationship to humility is that it is far more important to me the bigger the the bigger the the bigger this gets I don’t think I would be here otherwise I don’t I don’t think I could do this otherwise right like if I thought that I was responsible for this if I thought that I was in control of all of this it would be the pressure would be something that I wouldn’t want to live with and I wouldn’t the only way that I can do it is to see it as a gift as a calling as a as a as the thing that the space that I’m supposed to take up and that it’s beyond me that what’s happening here is beyond me that doesn’t mean that I’m not responsible doesn’t mean that I don’t have like empowerment in the situation oddly but it it does mean that like you know ashes to ashes dust to dust it comes and it goes on its own it has an intelligence that I am that I’m following far rather it’s it’s it’s like I have the humility of not thinking I’m the river but that I am navigating the river and if I thought I was the river I would be out of here there nothing I’d want to be a part of yeah speaking speaking for myself I feel like like for example starting a podcast with my teacher has been a a a different Journey like ear early on there was far more ego in it I was like oh yeah cool like I’m doing a podcast with Joe yeah and then as the community and following started to grow it would bring me up against you know a lot of amazing surface area to do the work noticing where I was getting attached to that noticing where uh it seemed at times my development would even slow down because I was like oh now I’m seen publicly so I have to have somehow I have to be there already and yeah uh I’m now I’m representing something which is absolutely not what this work is about representing some identity of perfection but it was my that pattern in me definitely has like has come up over the course of this journey and uh and of course in in the combination of those phenomena occurring and people starting to come up to me and recognize my voice and talk to me and having these tools and having this work uh and this community I’ve uh I’ve been able to loosen a lot of that and just feel much more of the grace and the the joy of it going back to the early definition of humility that that Joe brought up there’s this there’s a deeper Contex that I get to experience now with with less to with less to defend and less to uh less of an image to uphold and in the way that I show up on the podcast and the journey continues yeah what I what I loved about what you just said Brett was that you Ed that word grace and it reminds me of being on that chat the chat the other day where somebody was you know one of the people that we were working with was like going into like a little bit of self-abuse and announcing it around being a part of this group and thinking that they didn’t deserve to be there how did I get there kind of thing and um and my response was and I remember when I responded I just was balling I just started crying when I responded and my response was the same way I got here through Grace and and that’s that’s probably the best way to describe humility is the recognition that it’s like every thought every moment of gratitude every trial is Grace yeah wow well that’s a great way to wrap this one up yeah thank you so much Joe thank you everybody for all your questions yeah this this is fun thanks thanks for the questions I appreciate them awesome yeah and you don’t have to wait for us to invite questions to ask questions you can always reach out to us on Twitter there is fuore Joe Hudson there isart OFA comp and I am Eric Kistler and you can also just hit us up on the website use our contact form our Circle forum and uh till next time okay all right bye Brett see you Joe see you everybody