Triggers don’t dissolve by toughening up or exposing yourself to more difficulty. They dissolve through two things: loving the part of yourself that gets triggered, and knowing you don’t have to accept the situation. Joe gives the example of a client whose business partner kept handing off fear to her. The issue wasn’t the partner — it was that she somehow believed it was okay for someone to hand fear off to her.
“It’s very hard to love and not be triggered by something that you think can dominate you.”
When you draw a boundary — “I don’t have to accept this to be loved” — the trigger loses its charge. You stop feeling dominated. And paradoxically, when you know you can leave, being present becomes a choice rather than a cage, and the trigger diminishes dramatically even if you stay.
Brett adds that the very perception of someone as an “asshole” points to where you feel unsafe and where there’s a power dynamic you’re buying into. Once you draw the boundary, that person becomes “someone exhibiting behaviors from trauma” — and wonder opens up where judgment used to be.
Related Concepts
- Your loved ones trigger you enough — don’t go seeking more
- You must know you can leave to truly love
- Knowing yourself is the only safety
- Closing your heart to protect yourself traps you
- No one can break your connection without your agreement
- Deep pleasure dissolves the boundary of self
- Surrender into love prevents self-betrayal
- Every trigger reveals an unaccepted part of yourself
Source
- [[sources/qa-2-connecting-with-difficult-people|Q&A #2 - Connecting with Difficult People, and More]]