Because connection is fundamentally about being in touch with what is — an internal state — no one else can take it from you. You have to agree to disconnect. Joe illustrates this with a client who intentionally hurt him out of a trauma response. His reply: “I’m not going to let you stop me from feeling connected and love for you. I’m going to stop doing business with you… but I’m not going to stop loving you.”
This is not about tolerating harm. Boundaries remain essential — he stopped the business relationship. But the internal experience of love and connection doesn’t have to be surrendered just because someone else acts destructively. The freedom lies in separating the boundary (action) from the heart (connection).
“You being in connection with yourself and others is not dependent on anybody else because being in connection with what is doesn’t require anybody else.”
This parallels metta meditation — no one can stop your internal experience of sending love to all beings. The dictator is just as trapped as everyone around them; power without connection helps no one.
Related Concepts
- Connection starts within, not between
- Boundaries open your heart
- Closing heart to protect traps you
- Drawing boundaries dissolves triggers
- Surrender into love prevents self-betrayal
- Heartbreak is the mechanism of healthy boundaries
- Love requires willingness to be hurt