Summary
In this Q&A episode, Joe and Brett answer listener questions spanning several topics. Pavel asks about connecting with difficult people and whether triggers lose their power — Joe explains that loved ones provide enough triggers, and that drawing boundaries (not seeking more difficulty) is what dissolves reactivity. Simone asks why she feels peaceful despite losing her income — Joe points out that we question positive emotional states just as much as negative ones, and that the mind uses anxiety to disrupt peace. Kayla challenges whether Joe and Brett position themselves as “messiah-level” experts — both reflect honestly on the costs and benefits of being in a teaching role, emphasizing that they want people to trust their own experience.
Bryce asks about calling up emotions that surface at inconvenient times — Joe reassures that unfelt emotions will return and that trying to generate them often pushes them away. An anonymous listener struggles with a partner who doesn’t show affection — Joe distinguishes between accepting someone as they are and asking for what you want, noting these aren’t mutually exclusive. Johnny asks about somatic stagnation — Joe suggests the blockage may be wisdom, not a problem to fix. Lore asks if eye contact is necessary for VIEW — Joe explains it’s a tool for raising oxytocin, and any embodied connection practice can substitute.
Key Concepts
- Your loved ones trigger you enough — don’t go seeking more
- Drawing boundaries dissolves triggers
- Peace and joy are harder to allow than pain
- Letting go is the non-management of your experience
- Accepting someone as they are and asking for what you want are not opposites
- Somatic stagnation may be wisdom, not a problem
Key Quotes
“I wouldn’t say go find a whole bunch of people that trigger you and hang out. What I would say is you’ll be triggered enough by the people that you love.”
“It’s very hard to love and not be triggered by something that you think can dominate you.”
“Usually people question the uncomfortable emotional states and they don’t notice that they’re questioning the positive ones.”
“Letting go is the non-management of your experience. Doing nothing is literally doing nothing, which I don’t really see any humans do.”
“The deepest wisdom is in you. It’s not outside of you.”
“If you really want to work on a trigger, work on how being in joy and peace for an extended period of time activates a ton of fear in you.”
Transcript
foreign of accomplishment where we explore how deepening connection with ourselves and others leads to creating the life we want with enjoyment and ease I’m Brett Kistler here today with my co-host Joe Hudson all right welcome back thanks Fred oh my goodness what a week it has been yeah on a week well with launching the launching the decision making course that was that was a lot of work we put yeah I think I think I did like 50 60 pieces of content or something in three weeks a lot of stuff yeah yeah it’s a lot seems like you’ve been you’ve been going at it uh it’s pretty cool to see that it’s launched now I’m excited I just got into my first uh the First videos of content and I filled out my my worksheet today on avoided emotions and decisions that I’m in and found it really helpful awesome good good good yeah I can’t wait to get your feedback at the end of it yeah yeah can’t wait to have it so we’re doing we’re doing another one of our q a episodes today this is the second time we’ve done this I think this is going to become a new format that we do more regularly I hope if we continue to get great questions I’m going to continue to bring these up and I really enjoy it so awesome awesome awesome yeah let’s see how this one goes all right so the first question that I that I have this is this one comes from Pavel and I love this question I understand that to discover one’s triggers it’s helpful to connect to difficult people yet in one of the episodes I hear you laughing already yet in one of the episodes Joe mentioned that he does not work with assholes what is his personal definition of an asshole okay and don’t assholes lose their power over us after all our triggers all our triggers are uncovered oh wow that’s a lot thank you okay that’s a good one off yeah he’s good at asking questions yeah so the first one is it doesn’t really matter what my definition of an asshole is what matters is your definition of an asshole and and what you want to be around and what you don’t want to be around or what triggers you and what doesn’t trigger you with that said my definition is somebody who continually takes their emotions out on me without um apology without recognition without making amends and it happens all the time so that’s that’s the way I would Define that uh is it helpful to be around people who trigger us yes it’s helpful to for to be around people who trigger us but in no way do I suggest like going out and like finding the people who trigger with you most and then and then uh and then like being a part of their friend group and then hanging out with them or you know I’m not suggesting that you go and find like you know like the worst people in the world say okay I’m gonna go and I’m gonna go commit uh commit murder so I can be in prison with a whole bunch of people to trigger me yeah that’s I don’t think that’s any path to Freedom you might even say that it’s common that we end up finding ourselves attracted to the people that trigger us and that we like sort of in a golden algorithm Way by avoiding certain feelings we do end up finding ourselves in you know in situations where we are surrounded with people that we have trigger with that’s right yeah especially in people we’re married to or people that you know who are close to especially family members and so so there’s this reality that they are so I wouldn’t say go find a whole bunch of people trigger you and hang out what I would say is you’ll be triggered Enough by the people that you love and that’s the that’s the place to start that’s that attraction is a way to know the best place to find those folks the second part is shouldn’t shouldn’t it be okay to hang out with assholes if you’re you know if you’re beyond that because of you know you’re never triggered so I don’t know anybody who’s never triggered so I I assume that there might be some sort of place where that exists but I haven’t I haven’t ever experienced it uh what I have noticed is that triggering does go away but part of the way that it goes away and diminishes over time is that we love that part of ourselves that’s one way the other way is that we uh no longer think that we have to accept them something so typically um I’ll give you an example of this I was working with a client the other day and and she told me oh I don’t really want to address this boundary and the boundary was about someone handing off fear a business partner handing off fear to her and I said it’s not about the other person it’s about you and two things I can tell you one is you somehow think it’s okay for someone to hand fear off to you and when you don’t it’ll stop or at least become a lot less and the second is that it’s this is not the only place it is in your life so we first explored all the other places it was in her life and then we went to how to draw that boundary in a way because the boundary that you’re drawing of say not being around assholes is for you it’s saying oh I don’t have to I don’t need to do this to be loved I don’t need this to to be complete and that’s part of how we don’t get triggered knowing that we don’t have to be there and accept this and then when we are there or we do have to be there and accept it because we have another choice that we’re making or there’s something more important is a lot less triggering because we know we don’t have to so the other way to say this is it’s very hard to love and not be triggered by something that you think can dominate you and unless you know you can leave unless you know that you can draw the boundary then you will feel dominated and then you’ll be triggered so learning to leave is a huge part of how to not be triggered by folks and then the last piece the last piece I would say is uh this idea of being around someone who triggers you all the time uh in no way are we like I said at all saying go hang out with a whole bunch of people who trigger you but I would say more specifically if somebody can lift 500 pounds it doesn’t mean that they go and lift 500 pounds all the time or if someone can walk on glass it doesn’t mean they go walk on glass all the time that’s there’s no point in that it there’s a enjoyableness to life which is really critical and I think one of the hardest things for us to accept is that our life can be enjoyable and peaceful that’s actually the harder thing so if you really want to work on a trigger work on that one work on how being in joy and peace for an extended period of time like activates a ton of fear in you that’s a much better way to spend your time than finding a whole bunch of ways to be at disease yeah something that I that came up from me in the the last question the phrasing of don’t assholes lose their power over us that’s interesting to me because there’s this there’s the perception that they have power over you which points to sort of like in in the perceptual Hall of Mirrors what would make me think someone is an asshole it’s generally the fact that I feel like they have some kind of power over me or there’s a power Dynamic going on between us and if I actually take care of myself and get to the root of what is actually not okay for me in that situation I draw the boundary then suddenly they’re not an asshole anymore in my world what they are is somebody who is exhibiting certain behaviors and characteristics that can come from trauma that I’ve never seen that I just don’t know there’s just then the Wonder opens up I just don’t understand this person and I can be curious about it and be curious from a distance of myself feeling safe so it’s it’s almost as though the like the existence of assholes in my environment the existence of me perceiving assholes is the pointer to where I’m judging into the pointer a pointer to where I don’t feel safe and to where I feel like there’s there’s a power Dynamic that I’m buying into and as I as I do the work on that myself then then it it can fall away and then I find myself engaged with people that I want to be engaged with in my life and also with an open heart and not judging those who I don’t want to have in my life for whatever reason exactly yeah yeah the other the other way to think about this which I think you’re alluding to really well here is that you get a life that you want to have that that the whole idea to some degree of the spiritual journey and to go hang out with a whole bunch of people will trigger you that whole idea is so that you can have the life that you want to have shortcut just have the life that you want to have and then what triggers happen deal with them yeah awesome well thank you Pavel for that question yeah man thank you a great question as always yeah all right our next one is from Simone yeah Simone says my work contract recently ended leaving me with an unexpected Peace of Mind sort of a what next or what now she said she asks am I delusional why and how can I feel this way with so little money coming in why am I okay what’s the difference between letting go and doing nothing yeah so yes uh the thing that I’m noticing in the question itself is the questioning of an emotional state as if emotional states should or could be rational and and what’s really beautiful about this one Simone is that usually people question the uncomfortable emotional states and they don’t notice that they’re questioning the positive ones and so it’s really cool that you’re you you recognize this positive one and you’re like wait wait is this okay and so noticed what the mind is constantly doing the mind is constantly trying to manage see if it’s okay to have whatever emotional state that we’re having rather than feeling it or enjoying it thoroughly and when I say enjoying it I mean enjoying anger or sadness or in this case peace so that’s the first thing that I notice in it uh the question is it okay well it’s happening so it’s okay that’s that’s how emotions work to think that an emotion that’s happening is not okay I think the other underlying question that you’re asking here is um is this dangerous right if I feel good not having enough money will I go and be poor and be homeless or you know that some version of that is what the mind is trying to convince you of and I would say rather than that notice that every time you feel good and at peace the Mind shows up with some anxiety because it’s actually the feeling of peace and joy that is incredibly difficult to feel and to fully allow in just like for some people Compliments are really hard to let in and so the work is to allow and feel those emotions completely um and the mind is going to tell you with every emotion you know it’s not safe so if I’m angry then I’m scared that I’ll destroy everything if I’m sad I’m scared I’ll do it forever if I feel good I’m scared I’ll lose my ambition or I’ll lose my drive uh my experience and psychology tells us that if we are in uh constriction fear if we are not at peace that our capacity to learn our capacity to grow is deeply influenced in a negative way so there’s no real psychological evidence that says positive thinking is is bad for your being at peace is it like in inhibits your decision making or your drive or Your Capacity however it is a something our mind tells us all the time so that that’s the first the first part of it there’s a second question in there but go ahead and say what you want to say Brett and then we’ll go to the second part of the question yeah I was going to say I think we we commonly pattern match to if we’re feeling if we’re feeling a positive peaceful state that this must mean that we’re actually avoiding or dissociating from some deeper reality I love kind of the way that brene brown talks about this as foreboding Joy she describes a situation where like okay close your eyes and picture you’re in a car and you’re driving it’s just beautiful you’re in the passenger seat your lovers in the driver’s seat it’s just such a beautiful day and as you’re coming around the corner you two look at each other and you lock eyes and then the car continues around the corner what happens next and like whether this is from watching so many movies or just from life experience or stories we have this pattern match of up something’s got to go wrong right because this is just too nice right there’s also this weird neurological pattern we’re more likely to pick up what goes wrong than we are to pick up what goes right and so when anything is going right something will go wrong eventually and so we notice that but the same is true said the other way whenever things are going wrong it will go right eventually but we’re not ever worried or thinking about that in fact we’re doing the opposite oh the good part will never come again and from a distance you can absolutely tell good follows bad Falls good follows bad or comfortable follows uncomfortable follows comfortable follows uncomfortable you can absolutely see it and we have this mental illusion it’s like a a visual illusion a mental illusion that we have is as oh my God because it’s good something bad is going to happen and if it’s bad we’re not like oh don’t worry something Good’s gonna happen soon it’s an amazing it’s an amazing neurological illusion that we have so what she had a second part of that question what were the last couple sentences yeah yeah the second the second part was what’s the difference between letting go and doing nothing I would say that letting go is it depends on how you define it obviously the way I Define it is letting go is not managing my experience doing nothing is literally doing nothing which I don’t really see any humans do like is is they’re sleeping and if they’re not sleeping they’re doing something they’re thinking or they’re contemplating or they’re daydreaming or they’re avoiding or humans do stuff so or they’re resting in the peacefulness until until another exactly so doing nothing I think isn’t an is an embossibility whereas letting go or Surrender is the non-management of your experience hmm all right well thank you Sam good good question okay uh and here is another question this one’s from Kayla as purveyors of ideas how do Joe and Brett benefit by positioning themselves as all-time Fitness I.E Messiah level Solutions experts what kind of experiences are outside of Joan Brett’s reach how do their experiential limitations affect the ideas they are selling I’m really glad that we that that somebody said this right in uh wait so do do them one by one for me just yeah yeah so as as purveyors of ideas how do Joe and Brett benefit by positioning themselves as all-time fixers or Messiah level Solutions okay so uh the first part is that I don’t want to fix anybody and I don’t want to be a fixer and I definitely don’t want to be a messiah so so that that’s the first part so but how I benefit that’s a great question I would say there’s some benefits and there’s some costs there’s benefits to being in the position which I don’t want to deny of the person answering questions that people are asking and uh the the benefit is that um you know people show up and have experiences with me that I I find deep and meaningful also I think it it as sells courses and and people are are interested in participating and getting to know us so being in that position I think does does all that good stuff in the world and for me the the cost is separation the cost is that a lot of people project a lot of stuff on me that um some is good some is bad but it’s all not me it’s you know some of it’s like oh he’s so great and some of it’s like what an asshole and um but all of that is separation none of that is actually the intimacy that makes life meaningful to me so to some degree the cost is as as separation which is something that I’ve always it’s always been like a very known cost and it’s always it always creates some morning and sadness in me the other cost that I see that’s um I noticed that a lot of people who are in the position of teacher in this case um they get stuck where they are they like their development stops continuing and so that’s another cost is that to constantly understand that you don’t know crap that you are speaking from your experience and and hopefully that’s something that you’re saying is benefiting somebody else is where it’s at it’s not thinking that you actually know anything that you that you don’t buy or believe your own philosophy that instead you’re constantly in Wonder and question about your own thoughts and experiences yeah I’d speak I’d speak from my experience as part of part of my journey in doing this podcast has been grappling with this question you know like who is it like who am I to be able to speak about these things you know Joe is somebody who’s been facilitating this stuff for years and I’ve been learning it and it’s been interesting for me to go through the process of allowing myself to be seen as a fallible human who can say things off the cuff that might or might not have impact in positive ways or people can make make it mean all kinds of things that I may or may not ever know about so that’s one of the things that it is to be human um and I do benefit there’s there’s a benefit to being on this podcast with you there’s there’s a benefit to having people recognize me by my voice and on the street that’s I like it and it’s also it’s also a little scary too you know in these in these times especially it can be kind of scary to be to be known or seen and I definitely don’t want to be you know a messiah level Solutions expert I don’t see myself that way but I do know that sometimes I might feel like I like that yeah it does feel good to feel like I have the answer and that’s part of part of what I’m doing this work to to kind of dissolve and see through like what would what in me would have me want to be the person who has the answers and how can I show up more more authentically as the person who’s just in Wonder knowing that I only have one perspective yeah and and also put myself in a position where I can access many many perspectives from many other people and learn as much as I can in in this life and enjoy it that what you’re stating there is really important to me as well which is that I I every perspective has its limitations and has its truth mine is no different so and and I hear everybody’s including the person who’s asking this question that their perspective has limitation and has truth so yeah like the the idea that what we’re if if you’re listening to this and you think that what we’re saying is right please stop all I want is for you to trust your own experience and to and do the the deepest wisdom is in you it’s not outside of you if if what I say helps you point helps helps you find something great and if it doesn’t then then just ignore it yeah yeah and speaking to the next piece there the what kind of experiences are outside of Joe and Brett’s reach I’d say all kinds of experiences I would say your experience we have all kinds of experiential limitations that affect the ideas we talk about or sell yeah I mean for the questioner it’s your experience I have I don’t know what your experience is I have no idea I don’t know what anybody else’s experience is and I can’t speak to them and I and I and I and what I want is for you to speak from them like I would far rather hear how people are than to tell them how they are I don’t have no interest in that yeah yeah and you know as as this being as this work being a sort of there’s like a framework and there’s a process to it and there’s iteration and experimentation you know it might be it is the case that this work works really well for some people and not as well as at least as a starting point for many others and I I would love to see as more people find their way into this to like allow us to learn how we do what we do in a way that is more and more inclusive and more and more and and can meet more people where they are I and yeah work for a varying like a wider range of perspectives I I agreed with everything you said at the beginning as far as like this isn’t for everybody and and like if there’s no trust then it’s not for you if there’s no resonance then it’s not for you if you know and it may be for you in the future it may never be and that’s all great I’m not sure if I want it to be all inclusive as far as what I want is for it to be meaning that like I don’t want to make it so that I don’t want to change what I’m doing so that it it’s good for everybody I do want to learn from other perspectives um what I what I want is for it to be the deepest and truest expression of what what is called through me what I’m here to do and hopefully that allows access for lots of people but I don’t want to that’s not my goal isn’t so that everybody can learn from this I don’t I don’t want that what I want is for it to be a true and authentic expression and for it to be respectful and loving and empowering for everybody yeah I love that and and the pushback I’d have is it also just tends to be that people who are in their truest authentic Expressions tend to tend to resonate with a lot of people yeah let’s find out so it might be that both of those end up serving each other but I I yeah I also agree it’s not it’s not about it’s not about changing what we’re doing to be to like fit the widest Market yeah yeah I I think the truth is I don’t want anybody else to change for me um I don’t want you to change for me so I I and and in that recognition I don’t want to change for someone else what I want is to be my full expression authentically yeah I love that distinction yeah and that’s also what I want for for everybody else that’s what I hope people get out of this work yeah me too was there a third part of the question was that it uh yeah I love the questions the third part was how do their experiential limitations affect the ideas they’re selling it is yeah well I what I I notice in that one is that I don’t I want to say I’m not selling any ideas I’m like actually I am I literally there’s a course and and and though it’s not ideas that we’re selling it’s it’s experiences and iteration and experimentation there is like it would be disingenuous to say that there’s not ideas wrapped up in that um so what I noticed in myself in this one is just that re that resistance to oh there’s no idea that I’m selling there’s the resistance in that for me is is the idea that I’m trying to convince somebody so again if you feel convinced or if you feel like I want you to be convinced then I would I would urge you to move away from me and the podcast um I I again very much the the main push of and me to do what I do is is poor people to experience their own truth and their own wisdom hopefully I can point to things that were roadblocks and me discoveries that I had that helped them on that Journey and if I can’t then or if you don’t trust that then or if you feel like I’m trying to get you to be something then I would deeply encourage you to not listen to me awesome thank you Kayla for that question I really really enjoyed it yeah this one comes from Bryce and Bryce asks I find I have trouble calling up emotion that isn’t being authentically felt what are your best ways to call up emotions you know are there but often come in opportune times for example in the middle of work public places Etc this has happened several times where I know it’s something deep and wanting to express and be felt but the timing didn’t work and later I’ve tried to go back and call it up and feel it and so don’t worry Bryce it’ll come back if you if it hasn’t been fully felt and welcomed you’ll you’ll get it again don’t worry uh so there’s no rush to self-development whatever you don’t love and address will will show up again um uh so that’s part of it I think the other part of it is that what I notice is that emotions that are like are sometimes the trickiest they only want to have conversations with you when you’re at a restaurant like you know the you see this happening with couples all the time where the couples will bring up the subject in a restaurant so that they can’t have a fight or they’ll bring up the subject in the uh like in a play or in a car so that they have to it they can’t get out of the car it has to be addressed and so emotions do the same thing they have like and so if if there’s not a fuel full feeling of safety with that emotion it usually shows up so that’s one thing second thing is that if you’re trying to generate the emotional experience that often prevents the emotional experience um so if you’re if you’re trying to call it back up the the best way to do that typically is to hold the memory in your body and in your mind of the time that you felt that most completely and and then see where it goes from there you will not get the full complete triggered experience and that’s good because then you get to First work with and be exposed to a a lesser version of that experience and that works just fine so and if it doesn’t come up and you’re trying to get it to come up Let it go it’s all right oftentimes like I said when we try we’re pushing the emotions away and so there’s a whole you know group of people that have the tendency to you know uh push the emotions Away by trying and and you’ll see that like in the emotional inquiry work where the job is to be in Wonder and curiosity about some emotional experience and they’ll try so hard and everything goes away so that’s that’s also part of it yeah I’ll leave that one with your answer that was good the next one I’m Gonna Leave the leave the questioner’s name Anonymous just because of the nature of this question right uh sometimes I feel uncared for and unloved by my partner even though I’m pretty sure this is not the case she struggles with showing affection how do I make peace with this situation without trying to change her hmm yeah wow that’s a great question I have a weird weird thing I want to say right off the bat is I’ve noticed that people who have that very hard time showing that affection are often incredibly loyal as as odd as that sounds but there’s often have a pronounced sense of loyalty when they have that hard time showing the expression so that there’s a benefit there um so I want to make a a difference I want to I want to create a distinction between accepting her just as she is and asking for what you want or getting the life that you want and it feels like those two are convoluted in your question it seems like the the question is assuming that you’re either going to get what you want or you’re going to accept her and I don’t want to I don’t want to agree with that dichotomy in my answer yeah making peace with the situation is not always right the path to our yeah Freedom exactly so and you can be completely at peace with it and not be in a relationship with her and you can be completely at peace with it and ask for what you want so I think there’s two things the first one is how do you ask for what you want and the second one is how do you make peace with it and they’re not separate so what I would do is I would have a view conversation with her about what makes it challenging to show affection and I would be very vulnerable about how it makes me feel and what I want and I’d be vulnerable about my childhood patterns that made it so that I thought it was acceptable not to have that level of affection and nurturing that I crave and so I would be very vulnerable about my situation around it and and what has created it and what I want and I would also say in that conversation how much I loved and appreciated her and how I don’t want her to feel like she has to be different for me so all of that would be said and then I would ask her how she wants to be with that what like what feels right and what doesn’t feel right and if she’s very clear like hey I’m happy to love you but I’m completely unwilling to be affectionate towards you then you have a choice to make and it’s yours it has nothing to do with her and and so then I would be making that choice and and seeing what felt right most likely she’ll do something different show most likely say oh okay so I this is my experience hopefully she’ll say this is my experience this is what scares me and then you can support and nurture each other in the healing of both of your patterns and then life is great even though it may be complicated and and fraught with and probably some difficult moments but you’re in a committed relation a really truly committed relationship there where you’re committing to being supportive of one another as you are if she is yeah and so that’s great and and if she’s unwilling to do it then you just have a choice to make so that’s that’s the way I would say it yeah yeah another thing that would come up from that kind of a conversation is that you can check for your assumptions as well that there’s you know in in the question there’s sometimes I feel uncared for and unloved by my partner and to what extent is it that I tend to feel uncared for and unloved um she struggles with showing affection how true is that what are what are some ways she might be showing affection that I’m not recognizing and you know ways that I’m looking for affection that just pattern matched my childhood it didn’t actually match this relationship so there could be something that comes up there and in that conversation she can say actually I feel like I’m showing affection in in these ways for me it’s you know taking care of things around the house and making sure that the things are beautiful and nice it’s also you know making sure that you have time to do your work there’s ways that I show affection that might not be showing up and like yeah cuddling with you but I hear now that you want cuddles you know then we can have that conversation yes that’s that yeah very true and also there’s a there’s something else in there which is the being at peace with part so the being at peace with Bart means that you’re not actually wanting her to change so and and you’re not calling her bad or incapable or incompetent because she’s not doing the thing that you want to do so yeah the view conversation at at the beginning is all about being in Wonder and questioning your assumptions and and the only way you really get that is to see her as full and complete as she is not wrong or absent or something like that and and so that might require having like allowing your emotions like allowing the grief that you’re not getting the affection that you want it might be allowing the anger that you’re not getting the affection you want so that you can come into the conversation seeing her as whole and good hmm yeah awesome yeah that feels like a good closure for that answer I’ve got one more this one’s more somatic this one comes from Johnny he says let’s say there’s a sense of contraction or gunk in the pelvis that you’re not yet able to fully access or feel let’s say Johnny let’s say let’s say that’s the case let’s say let’s say hypothetically and so Johnny asks what might be some other somatic modalities or support that might assist uh yeah so I’m gonna question your assumption there the assumption is that you can’t move through it all the way um so I want to start there and then we can talk about modalities um if you know if you are aware of it my experience is if you’re aware of it you can move through it all the way what usually stops us from being able to move through it all the way is the fact that we’re trying to move through it all the way instead of be with it and love it and let it move the way that it wants to move so we have an agenda for it we’re trying to manage it we’re not in view with it and therefore it’s it resists and it Rebels and it’s like screw you so so instead what is it to just be with that sensation all day with love and attention and just continue to be with it and not ask it to change and not not ask it to be different so that would be my first noticing in the question as far as other modalities uh breath work and dance breath work is amazing lots of forms of breath work but in this particular case I would be doing a lot of deep breath into the that part of the belly that would be a tremendous usually a tremendous asset uh dance especially in that part of the body I find dance has a lot to do with it but most of the time what I notice is that people see the stagnation as a problem they treat it like a problem which increases the stagnation instead of seeing it as a wisdom instead of trusting the stagnation and so that’s the main that’s the main pointer I would have for you Johnny yeah awesome I don’t have a whole lot to add to that I would like to fit in one final one let’s do it uh this is from this is from lore so they said I’m wondering how necessary the visual eye contact part of you is like if you were blind could you not do the connection work yeah yeah yeah of course yeah beautiful Edge case there yeah uh so there’s a part of the question like how much of this is that eye contact makes you lore feel uncomfortable and you’re looking for a way around it I don’t know you so I can’t really speak to that uh what the eye contact is all about is raising the oxytocin in your system so that it’s easier for you to find the place of view it is it is just a like a training tool it’s like bumpers on a on a on a bowling alley it keeps you in the lanes more easily so that’s what it is you could use holding hands you could use having a conversation while hugging or just touching each other you could have gratitude for each other before you start the conversation and all of those things will help you more naturally until you start to have a somatic memory of the experience of a view of being in vulnerable impartial in empathy and in wonder so it’s just it’s just a way to do it it’s also for most people who get used to it it becomes incredibly enjoyable as well so so that’s what I would say and uh and I want to acknowledge that there is definitely some folks that neurologically are atypical and I I don’t know I don’t understand completely or have full knowledge of how some neurological atypicalness will affect eye contact and the experience of that for somebody in in the body um I think there’s some folks with you know who are more on the autistic spectrum and there are some folks who are heavily um in in ADHD where it can have different experiences but I haven’t really been able to find a lot of research on it so I don’t particularly know or understand those things what’s important is if you don’t have if eye contact is not possible for you then find something that allows you to have that deep sense of connection that is not intellectual that is somatic and or physical emotional nervous system pleasure something that allows you to to have that sense since the the important part is that this is not just an intellectual thing and when I notice some folks are avoiding the eye contact what they’re actually doing is avoiding the felt sense in their body because it’s too overwhelming and so instead just gently go into the body a little bit just gently go into the body a little bit and like give yourself time and space it’s all you know it’s good just whatever it does whatever you need to do go at the speed that allows it to be pleasurable for you well it does seem to be the case is that all of us I haven’t really met anybody who doesn’t want to connect there are folks who connection is intense and so they don’t want to do it as much and there are foot but I haven’t really met anybody who doesn’t want to feel seen who doesn’t want to feel understood it doesn’t want to feel heard I’ve never that person I haven’t met and so that tells me that in in the inherent there’s an inherent um space in all of us that accesses View wants to access View yeah yeah everybody wants to be seen and heard and for some that might be felt and heard that might be yeah seen and felt yeah exactly yeah yeah awesome well that’s all we’ve got time for May everybody listening feel seen and heard and well loved and felt yeah yeah yeah right oh yeah the scene thing ah oh my goodness all right a pleasure all right all right thank you Joe thank you everybody that submitted your questions yeah thank you for doing this again thanks for the great questions everyone thank you everybody for listening if you know someone who might appreciate this episode please pass it along and share what resonated for you we love your feedback so hit us with comments or questions through our website Circle Community or tweet us at Art of a comp you can reach out join our newsletter or check out our courses at Art of accomplishment.com