When someone recognizes their own pattern—say, procrastination driven by perfectionism—their brain immediately looks for “the next thing to fix.” Once I fix the perfectionism, then I’ll be lovable. But this is the exact same pattern: “What’s the thing I have to fix to finally be good enough?” It’s perfectionism about fixing perfectionism.
“Life is constantly showing you counter evidence to your story. But when it does, we very quickly go, well, there needs to be another problem.”
Joe demonstrates this live in coaching: the man says “I got to take the pressure off myself,” and Joe points out that that is pressure. Telling yourself you must stop being a perfectionist is just another perfectionistic demand.
The pattern: your consciousness got you into the problem, so the same consciousness can’t get you out. Every “fix” generated from within the fixing mindset reinforces the underlying belief that you’re broken and need repair. The exit isn’t finding the right fix—it’s dropping into presence, enjoyment, and wonder, which operate outside the fixing framework entirely.
Related Concepts
- Self-improvement as currently conceived is self-annihilation
- Should creates stress, not change
- Shame stagnates rather than motivates behavior
- The story about how you’re broken is the problem, not the brokenness
- Compulsive fixing avoids being present
- Asking ‘how do I stop’ keeps you in the doing loop
- Procrastination cannot exist without self-abuse
- Seeing a pattern means you’re already halfway through it