A common pattern after breakthroughs: someone sees through their pattern, has an epiphany, and then immediately beats themselves up for having had the pattern in the first place. “Why do I do that?” carries both wonder and the beginning of self-abuse.
Joe intervenes by naming it as “a human thing” — and the woman immediately relaxes: “There’s nothing wrong with me.” The self-judgment was actually one of the pillars supporting the entire stuck structure. If she judges herself for the pattern, she won’t allow herself to fully feel into it, which means she can’t pass through the abyss to freedom.
This is a general principle: one of the things we do to slow transformation is to have an epiphany and then beat ourselves up for not having it sooner, not seeing it when we were younger, not being further along. Instead: “Ah, cool. There’s freedom right there.”
Related Concepts
- Punishing the remembering slows growth
- Self-judgment defends against emotions
- Shame stagnates behavior
- The fixing mindset perpetuates the very stuckness it tries to solve
- Seeing a pattern means you’re already halfway through it
- Stop trying to fix others if you want them to change
- Compulsive fixing avoids being present
- Fully feeling a pattern ends it without figuring anything out