A woman comes to Joe with a pattern she’s had for 30+ years: she puts pressure on herself, then rebels against the pressure. It’s the same cycle as telling a two-year-old what to do — they say no. Joe mirrors the paradox: “How do I put pressure on myself to stop putting pressure on myself to rebel against myself?” She laughs — the trap becomes visible.
When she softens instead of solving, what emerges is sadness. The entire pressure-resist game has been running for decades to avoid feeling this sadness. Joe asks: “How much of this game is just to avoid the sadness?” And her fear surfaces immediately — “I’ll just feel sad. I just won’t stop feeling sad.”
“If I allow myself to be sad, I’ll be sad forever. If I allow myself to be angry, I’ll destroy what I love. If I allow myself to be scared, I’ll become incapable.”
Joe points out this is what our mind does with sadness generally — it tells us it’ll be permanent. But she cried that morning and felt release. The evidence contradicts the fear every time.
Related Concepts
- Bullying yourself creates resistance
- Self-pressure suppresses the love and awareness underneath
- Suppressing one emotion suppresses all
- Softening, not solving, breaks self-imposed loops
- Anger turned inward becomes shame and shoulds
- Chronic stuckness leads to depression through self-oppression
- We recreate painful circumstances to finally welcome the avoided emotion