Summary
A woman comes to Joe with a pattern she’s observed for over 30 years: she puts intense pressure on herself, then rebels against it — a cycle she can’t break. Joe immediately mirrors the paradox back to her: “How do I put pressure on myself to stop putting pressure on myself to rebel against myself?” She laughs and sees the trap.
Joe guides her to soften rather than solve, and what emerges underneath the pressure-resist cycle is sadness — sadness she’s been avoiding. When she allows the sadness, she discovers what the pressure has actually been suppressing: her awareness, her love for others, and her sense of expansive presence. The self-consciousness and pressure were keeping her from feeling “nothing” — but that nothing turns out to be vast awareness and love. Joe helps her see that the entire pressure-resist game exists to avoid overwhelming love and awareness.
Key Concepts
- The pressure-resist cycle is a game to avoid feeling sadness
- Self-pressure suppresses the love and awareness underneath
- Softening, not solving, breaks self-imposed loops
Key Quotes
“How do I put pressure on myself to stop putting pressure on myself to rebel against myself?”
“How much of this game is just to avoid the sadness?”
“This is what you’re pushing down with the game that you play. Pressure, resist, pressure, resist. All so you don’t have to feel this overwhelming love and awareness.”
“It’s afraid that I’ll just be nothing.” “You are nothing.”
Transcript
If you’re constantly pushing yourself and it’s not working, this is going to be a great coaching video for you to learn from. Yeah. How does it feel to have um put pressure on yourself for what is it now 30 something years? Well, there’s there’s sadness because of I feel like I’ve gotten in the way or it’s gotten in the way. In the way of what? um relationships and no like show me show me right now what it’s gotten in the way of like if there’s no pressure what comes out. So in this video we explore a woman who’s constantly putting pressure on herself and we discover what all that pressure is actually trying to hide. I am observing a pattern in myself of um which really came up strongly this morning of feeling like I I feel a lot of pressure. I put a lot of pressure on myself um and then I rebel against it. Um so I have like these two patterns. That’s pretty human. Uh yeah. tell a two-year-old what to do, they say no. It’s like it’s this natural thing. So, what’s the question? Um, how do I stop? How do you how do how do I Yeah. How do I get into that bind? I want to I want to like share with you how my mind works. Here’s how my mind works. My problem is that I put pressure on myself and I rebel against myself. So, how do I put pressure on myself to stop putting pressure on myself to rebel against myself? That’s what I hear. Yes. Yeah. How do you think that’s going to work? Uh, not really. It’s not going to work. Yeah. Yeah. Then what’s the solution? If you’re pushing against a wall, how do you stop? Let go. Stop. Yeah. But how do you let go without forcing yourself to let go? Look at you. Wow. Soften. Yeah. And what do you have to feel when you soften? I feel I feel some sadness. How much of this game is just to avoid the sadness? Yeah. I I feel like a there’s some fear that just came up around that. I’ll just like feel sad. Feel sad. I just won’t stop feeling sad. Yeah, that’s that’s what our mind does with sadness generally. If I allow myself to be sad, I’ll be sad forever. If I allow myself to be angry, I’ll destroy what I love. If I allow myself to be scared, I’ll become incapable. Have you ever cried? Well, I did this morning. How did you feel at the end of it? Um, I felt release, some release. And yeah, and I felt I actually listened to your emotional inquiry thing and that was what I did. Yeah, I’m feeling it now. I’m feeling Yeah, I’m with you. I got Yeah. Yeah. How does it feel to have um Um well there’s there’s sadness because of there’s no pressure what comes out just yeah I’m seeing you here I’m aware there’s a couple people on the call I whole dream at least. Feel aware of them. So, it’s gotten in the way of your awareness. Let’s go all the way to the awareness for a minute. Put all of your attention into My my body feels vibrating. I could cry more. Yeah, you’re welcome, too. I feel I feel a lot of love for these people. Oh, wow. So, all this pressure has gotten in the way of your love and your awareness. Yeah. I just I feel like this self-consciousness comes in. Yeah. So, we’re going to we’re going to let that self-consciousness be there. I want you to turn that love towards the self-consciousness So, feel the love that you have for all these people and then just turn it towards the self-consciousness because it’s afraid that I’ll just be nothing. You are nothing. I’ve heard you say that one before. Yeah, I get it. Don’t sense I’m getting it. Actually, I think it’s Don’t don’t don’t don’t get it. Ask your awareness what you are. Go to the awareness for a minute. That thing that’s just aware of all of this. That’s a lot, isn’t it? Do you feel how big that is? It just wants to be something. Just afraid people won’t love me. Let’s see if that matters. Let’s see if people loving you matters. If you’re not pushing and you’re in your heart and you’re in your awareness. So, so the idea is that the pushing has gotten you out of your awareness, out of your heart, out of your love. And so now we’re in our heart. You’re in your heart. I’ll be in my heart with you. I’ll be in my awareness with you. Yeah. And so right now, somebody on the call is judging you and somebody on the call is loving you. And if we’re lucky, it’s both people, you know, but probably not that. And if you’re in your awareness and in your heart, what what matters. See what matters. I would never judge someone for this. Yeah. They’re probably just They’re beautiful. This is what you This is what you’re pushing down with the game that you play. Pressure, resist, pressure, resist. All so you don’t have to feel this overwhelming love and awareness. There you go. Yeah. And in that moment, you stopped resisting it and you just filled the space. Yeah. Yeah, I can feel I can feel the a little bit in my body kind of expanding. I can feel myself sweating. Yeah, that’s how it works. Thank you. You’re very welcome. Pleasure. If you found this coaching video helpful and you want to experience it yourself or participate in a live coaching event, just go here or click the link below. I’d love to see you there.