When someone takes a bold action to care for themselves — quitting a draining job, setting a boundary, walking away from harm — that action itself is evidence of their capacity for self-care. Yet we often dismiss the proof we just created and spiral into fear about whether we’ll do it again.
Joe reframes this beautifully: if you hit a perfect golf swing, would you immediately panic that you’ll never swing well again? The very fact that you acted proves something in you knows how to act. The caller on the coaching session had not only quit their job but also showed up to a coaching call — two self-care actions while worrying they lacked the capacity for self-care.
“You basically are telling me I just quit a job without a plan because I wanted to take care of myself and I’m afraid that I’m not going to take care of myself in the future.”
The invitation is to let the evidence of your actions update your self-concept, rather than letting old fear narratives override what you just demonstrated.
Related Concepts
- Worrying about the future is the pattern, not the solution
- Facing fear builds empowerment
- The pressure-resist cycle is a game to avoid feeling sadness