Most people see only two options with anger: explode at someone, or suppress it. Joe identifies a third option that seems obvious once you see it: “I just allow that anger to move through my body.” Express it fully — without directing it at anyone, without breaking anything, without hurting anyone.
“I’m angry I’m angry I’m angry I’m angry and my little girl looked at me and she said ‘oh that was some good anger dad’ because she knew it wasn’t anger at her.”
Joe’s pancake story illustrates this perfectly. Overwhelmed while cooking, he simply declared his anger out loud. His daughter’s response — “that was some good anger, dad” — shows that children can recognize safe anger. She knew the anger was real and valid, and she also knew it wasn’t threatening. This is what healthy anger modeling looks like.
The key insight is that anger needs to move through the body — it’s energy that requires expression. The question isn’t whether to express it, but how. When you learn to let it move without making it about someone else, you get the physiological release without the relational damage. This creates a fundamentally different relationship with anger: it becomes safe, natural, and even connective.
Related Concepts
- Unresisted anger is love expressing a clear boundary
- Anger reaches clarity only after it moves through
- Moving anger is the fastest way out of stuckness
- The actor technique lets you release anger while maintaining awareness
- Don’t do emotions at people
- Rage can be the gateway to healing