When you start expressing anger after long repression, expect a flood. Joe warns: “If you start expressing anger especially if you haven’t expressed any for a long time, a lot of anger is going to possibly come up.” You’ll notice yourself getting angry at everything — which doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means the backlog is clearing.
“It’s like a champagne bottle — the pop happens, all the champagne comes out, and then you can learn to just enjoy it.”
This is crucial to understand, because without this frame, the initial flood feels like evidence that anger is dangerous or out of control — which sends people right back to repression. The flood is temporary. After the backlog clears, anger settles into its natural function: clear boundaries and decisive action. “Anger just looks like: oh no, I’m not willing to accept that. Oh, that doesn’t work for me.”
The champagne metaphor captures both the initial intensity and the eventual calm. Once unconstricted, anger doesn’t dominate your life — it becomes “a very cohesive part of your life and another expression of your love in the world.”
Related Concepts
- Anger backlog must clear
- Repressed anger kinks into depression, self-criticism, and rage
- You can express anger without directing it at anyone