Joe uses the metaphor of a kinked hose: anger is energy flowing through a tube, and when you constrict it, it doesn’t disappear — it redirects. Kinked one way, it becomes denial (“I’m not angry”). Another way, passive aggression (“nice dress”). Another way, explosive rage (“you son of a—”). Another way, self-attack (“I’m such an asshole, why do I always fuck up”).
“Feeling stuck, depression, self-criticism and raging at people — they’re all forms of repressed anger.”
This means what looks like completely unrelated problems — depression, chronic self-criticism, feeling stuck, explosive outbursts — may all be the same energy expressed through different kinks. The diagnostic question isn’t “what’s wrong with me?” but “where is my anger kinked?”
The kink forms in childhood through various pathways: a parent who raged (so you vowed never to be angry), a parent who forbade anger (so you turned it inward), feeling out of control when angry (so you suppressed it). The original constriction may have been protective, but it persists long after the original context is gone.
Related Concepts
- Unresisted anger is love expressing a clear boundary
- Shame is anger turned inward
- Chronic stuckness leads to depression
- Repressed anger manifests in three forms: self-abuse, passive aggression, and explosive anger
- Moving anger is the fastest way out of stuckness
- Anger repression gets installed through three childhood pathways