Joe’s core parenting tactic for teenagers: make yourself available when they enter the room, but never chase. Parents who constantly probe (“How was school today? Have you thought about it this way?”) create the opposite of connection — the teenager pulls away like a puppy being chased.
Instead, Joe names it directly when he notices disconnection: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. Can we get lunch?” This is an invitation, not a pursuit. Esme confirms this works — it feels like genuine interest rather than surveillance.
When he does speak, he’s direct rather than skirting around. Many parents want to say something but don’t feel they can, so they hint: “Have you really thought about…” This indirect approach doesn’t feel good. Directness, paired with availability, creates the conditions where a teenager actually wants to connect.
Related Concepts
- Kids need to feel liked by their parents, not just loved
- Being interested rather than interesting creates connection