Aaron Taylor uses a snowboarding metaphor to describe his evolution as a parent: he loves to bomb down the mountain, his wife goes slowly. He used to get frustrated trying to make her go his way. The solution was simple: ride up together, let each person pick their own line, meet at the bottom. The same applies to his sons.
Despite knowing this intellectually, Aaron catches himself “fire-hosing” his sons with TED talks, success speeches, and lessons about discipline — overcompensating for the father he never had. His turning point comes when he recognizes the absurdity: “My mom didn’t play hopscotch, let alone play sports, and I got exactly what I needed at the right time in the right way. How about just listening, accepting, admiring, and cheering your kids on?”
“Never rob a man of his pain or his gold because both serve him equally well.”
Joe’s story about his daughter who chose to pause meditation because it made her “too different from her peers” illustrates the same principle: children are already negotiating their own development. The parent’s job is to be available, not to direct. Aaron’s mother exemplified this perfectly — she didn’t tell him whether to go back to practice, she just said breakfast would be ready.
Related Concepts
- Be available don’t chase teenagers
- Children need connection not optimization
- Parenting as ego dissolution
- Connection is the core of parenting