Joe distinguishes between pushing through shame (running through the electric fence) and dissolving it (turning off the fence). Pushing through just wires more things together and often recreates the shame in a new form. The alternative is to feel the shame in the body, investigate it emotionally and intellectually, and watch it fall apart.
The quickest practice: “Every time you feel it, stop. Invite it. Love it. Welcome it. Welcome it back anytime it wants to come.” No understanding required. No naming necessary. Just welcome.
“If you’re trying to get rid of it then you’re not welcoming it. It’s like welcoming kids into the house just so that you can get rid of them—they don’t feel loved.”
This is crucial: the welcoming can’t be strategic. If you’re welcoming shame in order to make it go away, that’s not welcoming. The shame has to be genuinely invited, with no agenda. As that happens, shame naturally transforms from its conditioned form (what society told you to be ashamed of) into its natural expression (a gentle guide about how you want to live based on your own love).
Other practices: feel the want underneath the shame; notice where your mind spins on the same story; feel for shame in the body (it shows up faster than in the mind); address visible shames and let deeper ones present themselves.
Related Concepts
- Welcoming, not just accepting, emotions
- Shame dissolves when felt, not fought
- Love the resistance
- Resisting an emotion is exactly what invites it back
- Shame is a signal of disconnection, not a problem to solve
- Being loved within the shame dissolves it
- Avoiding shame creates more shame through disconnection
- Shame stagnates behavior