When you try to give loving attention to your shame, the shame wiggles away — it dodges, hides, makes you think you’re not doing it right. This is exactly what small children do when they feel shame and someone tries to love them: they fight it, hide under the couch, peek out from behind the curtain. They resist the love tooth and nail.
The mind’s story that “I’m not finding it” or “I’m not doing it good enough” or “I must not be getting to the root” is the pattern itself, not truth. It’s the same pattern that was taught in childhood: you’re not quite getting it, you’re not there yet, keep searching. This was the relationship taught to truth, to love, to feeling life — always almost but not quite arriving.
The practice isn’t to successfully pin down the shame and love it perfectly. It’s to chase it around the room — playfully, persistently — knowing that the hiding is what kids do, and the loving pursuit is what’s required.
“Chase it around the room trying to give it love — like I’m gonna love you, you can’t get away from me, I’m gonna love you.”
Related Concepts
- Shame dissolves when felt, not fought
- Being loved in the shame dissolves it
- Love is the antidote to shame
- Loving resistance is the path through it
- Welcome shame rather than pushing through it