Using VIEW as a tool to improve a relationship immediately pulls you out of VIEW, because VIEW requires impartiality — and using it instrumentally is partial by definition. Joe says: “If you’re using VIEW as a way to get somewhere with the parent, then you’re not actually in VIEW because VIEW can’t be used particularly.”
VIEW isn’t an imperative or a moral obligation. It’s not right or wrong, good or bad. It’s “a place you get to go if you want to go there.” Joe hopes they never tell anyone they have to do it — it’s an invitation to experiment, to see how enjoyable and effective it is.
Brett reframes VIEW as pointing to a natural state: “You can’t adopt your natural state or push yourself into your natural state. You can explore it.” The exploration is seeing what comes up in the way — the stories, the anger, the resistance — which are themselves the material to work with.
You can hold a perspective passionately without thinking you’re right: “This is a perspective that’s dear to me and I can’t believe it’s right — I just know it’s the one that’s right for me.” This offers freedom both of action and of not taking things personally.
Related Concepts
- VIEW framework for listening
- Boundaries, not VIEW, are the tool for narcissists
- Tools can keep you stuck
Source
- [[sources/qa-3-common-questions-uncommon-answers|Q&A #3 — Common Questions, Uncommon Answers]]