Much of the constriction of life force that manifests as anxiety is actually the constriction of joy and exuberance. Joe observes that we all want joy and happiness — most products are sold on this promise — but we’re actually terrified of it.
Consider: if you’re alone in a café full of people and start crying, get angry, or get scared, which is most uncomfortable? Starting to laugh out of pure bliss and joy. That’s the one that makes people most uncomfortable. Children’s exuberance is systematically squashed: “Hey Johnny, calm down.” Society does not accept deep levels of joy or exuberance.
Joe identifies several markers of blocked joy: How well do you accept compliments? Do you let them tickle you, or do they bring up anxiety? How openly can you laugh? How long is an orgasm? People in sessions will start laughing when they see through something, then stop — “I’m not allowed to feel good.” The thought process is: “If I let this in and feel good, the other shoe is going to drop. If I let the love in, that person can hurt me.”
Joe made a personal decision to laugh whenever he felt it, even during a silent meditation retreat where he was “the jackass in the back laughing hysterically” at questions for five days. The alternative — holding in the laughter and being a good meditator — would have produced anxiety and shame. “The more authentic I am, the less shame there is.”
Brett experienced this directly: after feeling his anxiety with love, difficult conversations became enjoyable, which felt discordant — he wasn’t accustomed to pleasure in previously uncomfortable situations.
Related Concepts
- Joy won’t enter where emotions are unwelcome
- Suppressing one emotion suppresses all
- Happiness feels dangerous to the vigilant
- Peace and joy are harder to allow than pain
- Joy dissolves identity and that’s what makes it scary